LAUGH LINES

You May Already Be a Winner: The Senate is considering legislation to govern sweepstakes advertising. “Only politicians have the right to make promises they can’t keep.” (Gary Easley)

Coming to a Theater Near You: A poll found adults are less likely to go to the movies than teens. “The adults interviewed said that ‘True Crime’ is the $8 price of admission.” (Paul Ecker)

Careful Now: Hasbro announced it’s coming out with a new Bob Hope G.I. Joe collectible doll. “Given Hope’s fragile condition, it wouldn’t be right to call it an action figure.” (Ira Lawson)

A New Chapter: Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell has signed a $500,000 deal to write a book. “Which is pretty good considering she’s never read one.” (Steve Voldseth)

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Chris Pina’s Essential List of the Day

Jerry Lewis’ helpful hints on how to handle a stalker (now that he’s spoken out publicly about the problems of being stalked):

6. Cross your eyes, buckle your knees, then run as you scream, “Laaaaaaaady!”

5. Say, “If you hurt me, you’ll have to answer to the entire nation of France.”

4. Offer spot on telethon.

3. Say, “Go back to Letterman’s house where you belong.”

2. Confess that it’s in your contract that you can only be stalked by Robert De Niro and Sandra Bernhard.

1. Wear white socks with black shoes.

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