When Too Few Zs Are Just Not Enough
You’ve heard of unlisted phone numbers. But unlisted letters of the alphabet?
Several thousand copies of GTE’s new Cerritos/Lakewood/Long Beach White Pages phone directory inadvertently omitted names in the “Z” section (see accompanying).
So the phone company sent out supplements to the deprived customers.
GTE didn’t say how the error occurred, but you have to wonder if everyone involved in the publishing of the directory was awake--or if someone was catching some Zs.
Anyway, in a “Dear Resident” note, GTE said reassuringly that the other 25 letters were fully represented.
The phone company pointed out: “Our goal is to provide you with a complete A-Z white pages section.”
That’s the attitude, GTE!
MORE PHONE FOLLIES: A couple of years ago, you may recall, GTE accidentally introduced the concept of an unlisted city. It left out the home phone numbers of Sierra Madre residents in that city’s directory. Several thousand new copies had to be printed.
FISH STORY: Greg Anning of Long Beach noticed that a supposedly coquettish fish is for sale. But how coquettish could it be if it’s having all those babies (see accompanying)?
OR PUT THEM IN A CELL: Orange Coast magazine editor Patrick Mott recalled how the D’Oyly Carte Opera Company once slipped a very up-to-date lyric into “The Mikado,” Gilbert and Sullivan’s century-old work.
While performing “I’ve Got a Little List,” the Lord High Executioner detailed the types he would like to behead, adding “and the yuppies with their car phones. . . .” It got a big laugh at the Orange County Performing Arts Center.
I agree with Mr. Executioner, especially after nearly being run off the Santa Ana Freeway the other day by a non-signaling, non-looking, lane-changing driver who was chattering on a car phone. I swerved around him, honking all the way, but he never looked over. How could he hear me? He was on the phone.
I’ve got an idea.
Inasmuch as the car-pool lanes are seldom occupied, maybe they should be reserved instead for cell-phone users. Keep them out of the general traffic.
I don’t know what you’d call their section. Car fools’ lane, perhaps.
L.A.--IT’S EVERYWHERE! (CONT): “Your mention of the Hotel California near Pisa, Italy, reminded me of ‘California’ in England,” wrote Steve Porter of Rancho Cucamonga.
“When I lived near there in the ‘80s, I would often see signs pointing to ‘California Holiday Camp.’ A local told me that it had been a ‘50s seaside vacation resort, now on hard times. I have no idea if it is still there. Perhaps the resort of Newport (just to the north) took all the business.”
I GIVE IT A 3.8 ON THE LAUGH SCALE: On GQ magazine’s “75 Funniest Jokes of All Time” list, one was of local interest. It was told this way by Bob Hope: “They say that animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before the last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.”
HE WAS A BIG BOY THEN: While silent screen comic Roscoe Arbuckle is associated with Hollywood, he grew up in Santa Ana. In fact, he acquired the nickname Fatty at the age of 6 while attending Central School in that city, writes Jim Sleeper in the book “Great Movies Shot in Orange County.”
Like most everyone in the Southland, I have a show biz connection, and mine is Fatty. My mother’s parents’ housekeeper’s sister’s husband was a stunt double for Arbuckle in the movies. You can see why I consider Fatty practically a member of the family.
miscelLAny:
Historian Jim Sleeper found a 1918 study by Photoplay magazine concluded that “the five funniest situations in the world are (1) for one person to hit another person in the face with a pie, (2) for a waiter to fall downstairs with a tray of dishes, (3) for someone to fall into the water with his clothes on (4) for someone to get hit while standing behind a swinging door and (5) for a man to dress up like a woman.”
For all our supposed sophistication in the late 1990s, I see most of the above situations still in use, including No. 5 (make no Mrs. Doubtfire about it).
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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at 1-800-LATIMES (Ext. 77083), by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@ latimes.com.
