Forbes’ Wealth of Quips Matches His War Chest

Steve Forbes is running a little behind. “We should have known--California’s California,” he says, arriving 45 minutes late Thursday for a quick question-and-answer opportunity at the Los Angeles Athletic Club. “Transportation is a problem here.”

Even someone of Forbes’ fortune can’t make the fast lane go faster. But on he plods, this tortoise of American politics, trying to give Americans reasons he and not George W. Bush or John McCain would be the man best qualified to take their party into the 21st century.

Forbes reiterated here Thursday that he has personally proposed more reforms “than all of the other campaigns put together.”

It is a message that he keeps trying to drive across, although at times Forbes must feel as if he needs to shout or stand on his head to make more Americans want to listen. By an unofficial hand count, at this particular media appearance, there were a mere 27 people in the room when Forbes finally strode through the door.

This for a candidate who in 1996 was the winner of two primaries, Arizona’s and Delaware’s, as well as a Republican who in 1999 has already outlasted the likes of Dan Quayle and Elizabeth Hanford Dole, largely due to his ability to be self-bankrolled.

Forbes doesn’t figure to go away soon--not before the Iowa caucuses Jan. 24 and the New Hampshire primary Feb. 1 at any rate, and certainly not before he can finally get Gov. Bush to show up for a debate.

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There has been little reluctance on Forbes’ part to keep needling Bush, even though many politicos believe that negative campaigning in 1996 proved costly to Forbes’ chances after a surprisingly strong start.

Now 52, Forbes may be older and wiser, but he just can’t seem to help himself when it comes to Bush. During a recent appearance in New England that drew every major GOP candidate except Bush, Forbes got off the best line at Bush’s expense, saying: “If we call it a fund-raiser, he might show up.”

Bush had begged off by saying he had a commitment to attend a function in Texas that was paying tribute to his wife.

Forbes scoffed at this, saying: “Blah, blah, blah, blah.”

In this one case, at least, Forbes might be better served giving the Republican front-runner the benefit of the doubt, because much of Forbes’ campaign is devoted to a need in America for greater family values. Honoring one’s wife as Bush did would seem to qualify as a family value.

Forbes, though, could be the fastest quip in the East. He bears more of a resemblance to somebody’s college trigonometry professor, but this successful magazine editor and publisher--and son of one--has either a rapier wit or a pretty sharp speech writer. And given that Forbes is someone who seems to adore being a guest on even the silliest late-night TV talk shows, he seems more at ease than other politicians in the punditry department.

For example, it was Forbes who once said of an Al Gore speech: “It makes you wonder what global warming can do to a man’s mind.”

He was also the one who got off a good line after names such as Donald Trump, Warren Beatty and Cybill Shepherd surfaced as potential presidential candidates.

“The only person we’re still waiting to hear from is Elvis,” Forbes said.

And after a few months of listening to Gov. Jesse Ventura, Forbes suggested that perhaps professional wrestlers should begin wearing helmets.

It is an unfortunate truth that campaigns often rise or fall on a candidate’s personality, rather than on issues. Forbes has plenty of issues. He is an outspoken antiabortionist who says if nominated, he would accept only a right-to-lifer as a running mate, and if elected, he would appoint as judges only those who feel the same.

He also is a nimble sidestepper. Asked point-blank about a perception that he is anti-gay, Forbes fell back Thursday on old campaign rhetoric, saying: “I believe in equal rights for all and special rights for none.”

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At one point, the family-value candidate was asked how he felt about his own father, Malcolm Forbes, having reportedly been bisexual.

“I’ll just say this,” he replied. “If I die and my children feel about me the way my siblings felt about our own father, I’ll die a happy man.”

Having spent an estimated $35 million of his family fortune in a failed 1996 bid, and still virtually self-financed, Steve Forbes again is putting his own money where his mouth is. He is running behind, but he is going for broke.

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Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to him at Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. E-mail: mike.downey@latimes.com