SIMERS’ RANKINGS

TOP 5

1. Jacksonville

To stem rumors: The pocket monsters in “Pokemon” are not based on Tom Coughlin’s style of coaching.

2. Miami

Is there a doctor in the house? If so, Jimmy Johnson will make sure the doc never pronounces Dan Marino ready to play again.

3. St. Louis

Has NFL Films considered miking Georgia on the sideline? Al Davis might not be the only owner calling the plays.

4. Indianapolis

In best interest of the game, Manning, James and Harrison should leave Smallsville and replace Aikman, Smith and Irvin on America’s Team.

5. New England

Bill Parcells had Drew Bledsoe; now he has Rick Mirer and Ray Lucas. This gives him the chance to beat his old team with one hand tied behind his back.

BOTOTM 5

27. Philadelphia

Do you want to be a millionaire? Then let’s play . . .

28. Cincinnati

If the NFL draft were conducted today, in what order would you take the top picks from these teams? . . .

29. New Orleans

Ricky Williams, Tim Couch, Akili Smith, Donovan McNabb, Ryan Leaf . . .

30. Cleveland

And that’s your final answer? . . .

31. San Diego

Then that’s right, San Diego--you lose.