Extended-Family Trips Close the Generation Gap

Besides sunscreen and swimsuits, Margaret Foerster will pack a big frozen turkey when she heads this week to the Caribbean with her children and grandchildren.

“I’m not going to skip Thanksgiving dinner because we’re away from home,” she says, laughing, from her Jacksonville, Fla., home. “Taking everyone on a trip like this--13 are going--is a way to guarantee we’ll all be together for the holidays without telephones ringing and carpools to drive.”

That’s exactly why Shirley Stillinger will be filling her grandchildren’s Christmas stockings in Italy this year rather than at her home in Urbana, Ill. “This is a big splurge for me,” acknowledges Stillinger, 69, who is footing the $15,000 bill for her four children and their families. “But this is a Christmas present for me too.”

More and more grandparents around the country agree. They’re booking their far-flung extended families into so many resorts, dude ranches cruise ships and even safaris that those in the travel industry see multi-generation trips as an important emerging market, especially during the holidays when it’s easier for busy adult children to take a few days off.

The strong economy and grandparents’ robust health are helping drive the trend. Thompson Safaris, for one, is fielding more calls from grandparents who want to take their families on a once-in-a-lifetime trip. “We paid as much to take the family to Africa as we did on our house 35 years ago,” says Marilyn Larson of Arizona. She counts their safari as the best trip she’s ever taken.

Last year a third of vacationing families included some sort of reunion in their travel plans, according to the Better Homes and Gardens Family Vacation Report. Grandparents, meanwhile, are going along on 16% of family vacation trips--16 million a year.

“These groups are now 40% of our annual business,” says Matt Ouimet, president of Disney Cruise Lines. “Families are looking for more than a good time together. They want the special memory.”

But they want it without cooking and cleaning in quarters that become cramped when children and grandchildren arrive. That may be why 700 kids will be on one Carnival sailing this Thanksgiving--a fourth of the passengers. Many will have grandparents, aunts and uncles as well as parents in tow, says Vicki Fried, Carnival’s senior vice president for marketing.

In a new vacation spot, adult children don’t have to work so hard to entertain their kids, miles from their friends and favorite toys. Divorced or remarried parents don’t have to relive the ghosts of holidays past, either. The Foersters are a blended family and see their Thanksgiving trips as a way for their adult children to bond.

For single parents, there’s an extra: “I get a break without feeling guilty while my daughter gets to know her aunts and uncles better,” explains Shirley Stillinger’s daughter Mary, an El Paso lawyer who can’t wait for her family’s Italy trip.

Of course, all of this family togetherness requires that a family like to be together, mental health experts say. “It’s Christmas in Vermont. It’s not a vacation,” sighed one Connecticut mother, who finds family reunions a lot of work. Elaine Rodino, an officer of the American Psychological Assn. in Santa Monica, worries that nuclear families might give up a much-needed “alone” vacation for a big trip with the grandparents.

If you’re going with grandparents and siblings, experts say, be clear who is paying for what, and don’t expect to solve old hostilities. “And remember, holidays always have extra emotional baggage,” says Don Wertlieb, a family psychologist and chief of Tufts University’s Center for Child Studies in Massachusetts. Still, neutral turf--especially a vacation spot where there’s a lot more to do than sit around Grandma’s living room--can make holiday gatherings easier to handle. Dr. David Fassler, chairman of the American Psychiatric Assn.’s Council on Children, applauds the trend. “Kids who have more meaningful relationships with family are more emotionally resilient,” he explains. “They’re more secure.”

And when busy families live so far apart, he says, vacations may be the only time to build those relationships and for kids to understand their unique history.

If you’re planning a multi-generation trip, ask about discounts for booking large groups. Here are a few ideas: * Hideaways International arranges villa rentals all over the world. Telephone (800) 843-4433 or https://www.hideaways.com.

* American Wilderness Experience books ranch vacations. Tel. (800) 444-0099 or https://www.awetrips.com.

* Celebration Travel plans multi-generation trips for all budgets. Tel. (800) 656-4206 or https://www.celebrationtrav.com.

* Carnival Cruises, tel. (800) CARNIVAL (227-6482) or https://www.carnival.com.

* Disney Cruises, tel. (800) 951-3532 or https://www.disneycruise.com.

* Rocky Mountain Tours can arrange well-priced ski packages. Tel. (800) 525-SKIS (525-7547) or https://www.skithewest.com.

Taking the Kids appears the first and third week of every month.