Jerry Krause Can Put You in This Kind of Mood

Jay Mariotti of the Chicago Sun-Times writing on Laker Coach Phil Jackson:

“His new followers will learn. They will learn to separate hype from the rim-bending reality that Jackson is just another coach if Shaquille O’Neal can’t hit a free throw in the fourth quarter.

“For now, in his dynasty postpartum, Let’s Do Lunch Phil and his sublime coastal cultists share a dream. They wake up, worship the ocean, breathe the dirty air (?) and believe he will lead the Lakers to an NBA title or two or six.

” . . . The assumption is that Jackson will catch his wave and ride it to glory. They assume wrongly.”

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Trivia time: What is the lowest winning score in the history of the USC-UCLA football rivalry?

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Situation normal: Lisa McCaffrey, wife of Denver Bronco receiver Ed McCaffrey, on his latest concussion: “When he didn’t remember our anniversary, I knew he was OK.”

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Cheap shot: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “Question: How long until March Madness?

“Answer: Four months for the rest of us; Bobby Knight already has a head start.”

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Congenial: Author Roger Kahn on Jack Dempsey: “Jack was a charming man who loved to meet people. He would sit in a booth near the window of his place [restaurant] and greet everybody who came in.

“ ‘I love being a public figure the way Joe DiMaggio hates it,’ he told me.”

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Love that place: Steve Rushin of Sports Illustrated points out that Jose Canseco, Chipper Jones, Randy Moss, Dennis Rodman, David Wells, Alabama football Coach Mike DuBose, former NBA guard Scott Skiles and ex-Philadelphia Phillie catcher Darren Daulton have all been linked romantically to waitresses at Hooters restaurants.

“In sports, a man never knows where Cupid might strike,” Rushin says. “It could happen at absolutely any of the nation’s 234 Hooters.”

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For the record: A recent item from Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune said that Tonya Harding’s agent represents Kato Kaelin among others.

Kaelin’s agent is Raphael Berko of Media Artists, which does not represent Harding.

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Frustration: In the 1955 USC-UCLA game, the Trojans’ Jon Arnett returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown. The score was nullified because USC was offside on the kickoff. The Bruins won, 17-7.

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Trivia answer: USC won, 6-0, in 1947 on a pass from Jim Powers to Jack Kirby.

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And finally: From the Gallery column of the San Diego Union-Tribune: “Melanie Maynes is the lively, 5-foot-7 floor leader of New Mexico State’s women’s basketball team. But off the court, she sports a more comatose frame of mind.

“ ‘My goal in life is to run a mortuary,’ says Maynes.”