Web Opens Search to All Interested Parties

Given the fact that about one in 10 people is either adopted, has adopted or has given a child up for adoption, according to adoption statistics, it’s no wonder the Internet is abuzz with people seeking their connections. Adoptees wonder what their biological parents are like. Adoptive parents wonder whether the birth mother wants her child back. Birth parents want to know whether their child is happy.

And the Internet is the main reason that such reunions are becoming more common, according to experts in the field of adoption research and reunification. “Not long ago, there were only two online registries,” said Marilyn Miller, an adoption researcher based in Torrance. “Today there are hundreds, and they’re getting quite a bit of action.”

Adoption Web sites, for example, can lead an individual searcher to everything from reunion advice to support groups and resources including adoption yellow pages, reunion registries, adoption chat rooms and adoption libraries.

While many adoptees never search--not wanting to breach an implied code of silence--many more are actively seeking answers today.

Besides use of the Internet, which makes finding missing people easier, faster and less expensive, the need for medical information is also motivating adoptees to search for birth parents. Advances in medicine make it increasingly important that people know their medical histories. And finally, say the experts, society is more supportive of these searches.

More birth parents are also looking for the children they relinquished, says Kathleen Hinckley, a private investigator and certified genealogist based in Denver. She estimates that today 20% of her searches involve a birth parent looking for a child.

Miller concurs; the number of birth-mother inquiries she’s had have increased by 80% in just five years. “Birth mothers finally feel they have a right to search. They were always told they would get in trouble, but that ignorance has been lifted. More now realize they have a right to find their child and get rid of their guilt.”

Birth mothers also are organizing, forming support groups and lobbying for laws that support their concerns.

And more birth fathers seem to be looking too, said Marlou Russell, a psychotherapist who teaches a one-day course, “Adoption: the Lifelong Impact,” at Santa Monica College. When she started teaching the course five years ago, for example, there were few birth fathers enrolled. But now, about one in every 50 participants is a birth father, she says.

Typically, adoptees start looking at one of three points in their lives, said Hinckley, author of “Locating Lost Family Members & Friends,” (Betterway Books): when they turn 18, when they start having children or grandchildren, and when they want genetic information. “We who are not adopted don’t realize how much we take our traits and heritage for granted,” she said.

The major motivation is curiosity, say the experts. “Adoptees aren’t looking for new parents,” said Russell. “They’re looking for pieces of themselves.”