It’s a Touchy Topic, but Talking Can Protect Estate
A few years ago, my mother flew to Florida to help an ailing, elderly uncle organize his affairs. But before he could compile records and make crucial decisions, he slipped into a coma. Shortly afterward, he died.
As his only relative, my mother spent weeks searching for the legal, financial and medical documents needed to authorize health-care treatments and payments, cancel credit cards, close bank accounts and sell his car. Some of the papers were never found and his estate ended up languishing in probate.
“I can’t tell you how many variations I’ve heard on the same story,” says Lynn McPhelimy, author of “In the Checklist of Life: A Working Book to Help You Live & Leave Life.”
“The bottom line is that parents and adult children feel uncomfortable discussing finances, so they just avoid it,” she says.
Statistics bear that out. A 1998 survey by Phoenix Home Life Mutual Insurance Co. found that one-third of the respondents with living parents had little or no knowledge of their parents’ finances. More than 40% had never discussed finances with their aging parents.
When Susan C. Richards, a financial advisor in Arizona, tried to approach her father with questions and concerns about financial matters, his response was that everything was “taken care of.” But when her father was struck by a sudden disability she realized things were not in order.
The experience led her to write “Protect Your Parents and Their Financial Health . . . Talk With Them Before It’s Too Late.” The book offers adult children advice on removing the barriers to such financial discussions and tips on compiling important data.
Richards says the key to successful communication is in how you approach the subject. Ease into the topic and bring a book or article on the subject. Tell parents you need their help in handling these issues.
“You don’t need to know exactly how much money they have or who they’re leaving it to,” Richards said. “What you do need are the details of their everyday life.”
Experts advise talking to your siblings and developing a coordinated family plan. Next, decide how much information is needed and who is most comfortable raising the topic with your parents.
Basics include Social Security numbers, birth and marriage certificates, employment and military records. Ask parents to gather these, along with insurance policies, mortgages and real-estate deeds, pension and investment papers, credit-card and bank information.
Make a list of close friends and neighbors, physicians’ names and numbers, pharmacies, Medicare and Medicaid numbers, and any other health insurance policies. Ask about long-term care arrangements.
Record the location of wills and trusts as well as lawyers’ names and numbers. Gather living wills, organ-donation cards, durable power of attorney and durable medical power of attorney.
Next, set up a personal filing system in a central spot, and be sure family members know where it is. McPhelimy’s book, for example, includes space for recording everything from financial information to secret hiding places for jewelry and cash.
