LAUGH LINES

Testing the Water: On California’s plans to convert toilet water to drinking water: “You know what’s the worst thing about this water? When you swallow it, it automatically does that swirling thing down your throat. . . . And that glass of water you had today could be the beer you had last night.” (Jay Leno)

On the Ball: “Rush Limbaugh wants to join ABC’s ‘Monday Night Football’ booth. He would add a lot to the broadcast. He would spend 10 seconds telling you how a play was run and 10 minutes describing how Ronald Reagan would have run it.” (Argus Hamilton)

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Chris Pina’s Essential Daily List

The Easter Bunny’s Top Regrets

10. “Still smells eggy on Monday.”

9. “Ran ugly smear campaign against the Tooth Fairy in ’92.”

8. “Easter baskets made in Indian sweatshops.”

7. “Can multiply. Can’t divide.”

5. “Kickbacks from corrupt dentists.”

4. “The Playboy bunny layout.”

3. “Was so cocky during that tortoise race.”

2. “Those crappy hollow, chocolate bunnies.”

1. “Buck teeth.”

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