LAUGH LINES

Having a Ball: “President Clinton stopped by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ training camp in Florida. The visit was purely instructional. He wanted to show them how to throw a pass, but the cheerleaders are only there on game days.” (Argus Hamilton)

Rich and Richer: “The theme of the Republican National Convention was diversity and respect . . . to bring together the haves and the ones who have even more. Billionaires reaching out to mere millionaires. It’s polo players sharing common ground with people in the yacht club. . . . The GOP will not rest until every child in America has a no-load mutual fund and a Roth-IRA.” (Jay Leno)

Short and Simple: “George W. Bush only took about 38 minutes to deliver his acceptance speech [at the Republican National Convention]. It would have been longer . . . but that’s all he was able to write on his hand.” (Ira Lawson)

Two of a Kind: “[President] Clinton said some nasty things about George W. Bush. I was thinking about that: George W. Bush did duck Vietnam, and he did experiment with drugs and he can’t remember anything he did in the ‘70s. So why is Clinton attacking George W. Bush? He is George W. Bush! They’re the same guy!” (Leno)

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