A Rodent’s View of L.A. Lawyers

TV star Kelsey Grammer (“Frasier”) will lend his voice to “Gary the Rat,” an animated comic strip about a powerful attorney who wakes up one day to discover he’s metamorphosed into a rodent.

The question is, will Gary go the way of L.A.’s Rodent?

The latter is the pseudonym of a onetime attorney for a large firm who now writes columns in the L.A. Daily Journal lampooning the rats in the profession.

In his book, “The Rodent’s Guide to Lawyers,” the L.A. resident mentions such examples as:

* The law firm whose members wore shirts that said “Born to Bill.”

* The attorney who billed a client 1,200 hours for a single month (there are only 720 hours in a 30-day month).

* The attorney who admitted, “Lawyers are attracted to each other because we repel everyone else.’

REFLECTED GLORY: Have you heard those Department of Water and Power radio ads that recall glorious moments of the Los Angeles Dodgers, then remind listeners that the DWP supplies the power to Dodger Stadium?

Call me a cynic, but I couldn’t help thinking about all the other places the DWP lights up, places it probably won’t mention in an ad. Lawyers’ offices, for instance.

CAN WE TALK? Greg Duke of Rancho Palos Verdes spotted a hair salon that seems to be synonymous with chatter (see photo). It reminded me of the time the Santa Clarita City Council invited 50 hairdressers to a special session in May 1991 to get a sense of what people in town were talking about.

“Everyone talks to their beauty professionals. We’d just like to know the kinds of things people are saying,” one council member explained.

At the gabfest, one hairdresser responded this way: “What my clients are most worried about is what I’m going to do to them.”

ENOUGH CHITCHAT! Let’s dance. Jack Hennessy came upon a pizza parlor where you can get eight whirls around the dance floor while you’re waiting for your order (see photo).

THE BUCK STOPS HERE: “Personally, I thought I was the only one left out of the recent economic boon--but now I see I’m not alone,” cracked a reader who informed me that the 99 Cents Only stores now offer layaway plans.

This is only the latest creative promotion from the playful folks at the under-a-buck chain, which instituted a bridal registry a while back.

The company also has listed Niagara Water as “Viagara Water,” placed a tongue-in-cheek ad for a location on Rodeo Drive and offered hardback books on everyone from Bill Clinton to the Menendez Brothers and O.J. Simpson for 99 Cents (no limit on copies purchased!). Its trucks say: “Driver Carries 99 Cents Only.”

By the way, the reader who sent me the note about the layaways thought he was writing to Steve Harvey, the TV comic. I’m keeping this item for myself. I don’t care what the other Harvey says. Humor is a grim business.

miscelLAny:

A white 1963 Volkswagen Beetle that was owned by a Pasadena man achieved a parking spot in the Guinness Book of World Records in the category of “highest car mileage.” The trusty auto clocked 1.6 million miles during its 34 years and wore out more than 160 tires. The owner, who commuted to work in L.A., once told reporters that he liked to take the long way home.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.