Hey Numbskull, the Dodgers Will Murderlize You

After the Dodgers threw away a 9-6 game to the New York Mets on Sunday night, the New York Post’s Tom Keegan saw it this way:

“The Dodgers are three times as comical an act as the Three Stooges, which makes perfect sense because on days such as yesterday they play as if they should be called the Nine Stooges.”

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And there’s more: Commenting on the same game, Bob Keisser of the Long Beach Press-Telegram wrote:

“The Los Angeles Dodgers may want to consider a new promotion: Blindfold Night.

“This would allow fans to shield their eyes from hideous moments, like the one that took place in the eighth inning Sunday and typified a season gone wrong, and pretty much gone, period.”

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Trivia time: When Tiger Woods won the California Interscholastic Federation high school championship, what school did he attend and what year was it?

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Olympics first: Not wanting to compete with the Olympic telecasts, the Mormon church has scheduled its October conference a week later.

By tradition, the church’s 170th Semiannual General Conference should be held Sept. 30-Oct. 1. But Salt Lake City’s KSL-TV, which broadcasts the two-day conference, will be telecasting the final days of the Olympics from Australia that weekend. To avoid the conflict, this year’s fall conference was moved to Oct. 7-8.

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Attn. Bud Selig: Pete Rose may be banned from professional baseball, but motor racing still appreciates the all-time hit leader. Rose will be grand marshal of the Indy Racing League’s Belterra Resort 300 on Sunday at Kentucky Speedway.

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Looking back: On this day in 1992, there were no hits in Clearwater’s 1-0 victory over Winter Haven in the Class A Florida State League. In what appeared to be the first professional game in 40 years without a hit, Andy Carter and the Clearwater Phillies beat Scott Bakkum and the Winter Haven Red Sox. The only run scored in the seventh inning on two walks and two sacrifice bunts.

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Remembering Roberto: Wynwood, an inner-city community nestled between two expressways just north of downtown Miami, held a celebration on the life of Puerto Rican hero and baseball legend Roberto Clemente.

“He’s like a god,” said Arnaldo Tercero, 18. “His life is a reminder to young people, no matter how hard it is to make it out of a small neighborhood like this, that you can make something out of yourself.”

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No more politics: Baseball Hall of Famer Juan Marichal found politics in the Domincan Republic more unsettling than facing National League batters. After leaving his post as sports minister, he said he would never hold another government position because of corruption allegations made against him last year--all of which were disproved.

“No way,” Marichal, 65, said. “I would not accept coming back to be minister of sports or any other post.”

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A skunking: England won a cricket match last week in only two days against the West Indies, the first time anyone has done that in 54 years.

Five days are set aside for the big international matches, known as “tests” and, quite often, even after all five have been used up, the game ends with neither team winning.

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Trivia answer: Anaheim Western, in 1991.

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And finally: Ever wonder what famous athletes would do if they were doing something different?

Magnus Norman, the world’s No. 2 tennis player, says he would have been a professional bandy player.

Say what? Bandy is a Swedish sport similar to ice hockey.