LAUGH LINES

Sizing It Up: “Nabisco announced recently that . . . it’s coming out with new bite-sized Oreos that are easier to eat. How . . . lazy are we getting in this country when people are too exhausted to eat [a regular sized] Oreo at this point? Who eats an Oreo and goes, ‘Let me wrap the rest of this up--I wish they were smaller.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Identity Crisis: “NBC recently had its worst weekly ratings in its history. In fact, NBC officially changed its name to UPN.” (Andrew Wisot)

Just Say No: “George W. Bush called the White House anti-drug policy a failure. That’s not fair. Say what you will, but Bill Clinton has done more than anybody to convince young people that you don’t have to do drugs to have a good time.” (Argus Hamilton)

Missing in Action: “One celebrity who was missing from the Democratic National Convention was Rosie O’Donnell. At one time, she was suggested as a participant to the show’s producer, Gary Smith, but he passed. Apparently, he felt the convention’s TV ratings were low enough without her.” (Ira Lawson)

Law on His Side: “Robert Downey Jr. is joining the cast of ‘Ally McBeal.’ Boy, this guy just can’t seem to get away from lawyers, can he?” (Wisot)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.