LAUGH LINES

Taste Test: “Kentucky Fried Chicken is recalling 425,000 toys that came with the kids meal because they are unsafe. If they’re worried about people’s health, recall the fried chicken. I think you’re better off eating the toy!” (Jay Leno)

His Own Man: “Al Gore walked onstage at the Democratic National Convention [and gave] a deep, passionate kiss to his wife. It only served as another reminder that he’s no Bill Clinton.” (Argus Hamilton)

The Heat Is On: “The Democrats are doing very well now. Apparently, the convention did a lot for them. It was a good convention. In fact, the LAPD bragged today that they kept things in very good order. They said they only had to turn the fire hoses on once, and that was to separate Al and Tipper Gore.” (Bill Maher)

Lookin’ Good: “It’s been reported that in preparation for the Democratic National Convention, Hillary Clinton hired a makeup artist who charges $6,000 a visit. Apparently, the makeup artist made her look so different that President Clinton accidentally hit on her.” (Conan O’Brien)

Going Once, Going Twice . . .: “Six people tried to sell their vote for U.S. president on EBay recently. Bidding got as high as $10,100 before the auction site canceled the sale. Under U.S. law, only congressmen are allowed to sell their votes.” (Hamilton)

Old and Young Alike: “People love these older men-younger women movies [‘Autumn in New York’]. In the ad, it says: ‘After a lifetime of searching, he finally found someone he loved.’ Especially when you consider that she wasn’t alive for the first 30 years of the search!” (Leno)

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