Sound--but No Fury--in Historic Court Hearing

Monday’s 90-minute session of the U.S. Supreme Court was blacked out on nationwide television, the Supremes being notoriously camera shy. Unlike certain other judges who have turned their courtrooms into little more than daytime-TV game shows, the nine preeminent justices of our land do not care to turn the gallery of their hallowed chamber into a studio audience.

However, while no video versions of Monday’s proceedings were made available, we did at least get audio.

For the second time in a fortnight, our highest court--usually as verbal publicly as Trappist monks--let there be sound. No peeking, but eavesdropping was OK.

And this was a hearing worth hearing.

After all, as Erle Stanley Gardner might have dubbed it, this was the Case of the President Precedent.

Nine men and women theoretically found themselves in the unique position of choosing a leader for a republic of 275 million people.

Any one justice could tip the scale. A solitary dissenter might nix George W. Bush or Al Gore from getting the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., or help bar the door.

If not quite “a clear and present danger” in American jurisprudence, as Oliver Wendell Holmes once phrased it in another context, this did pose a threat to the way the United States had ever, or would ever again, put a citizen in command of its government. This was a fresh wrinkle. Rather than being elected to office, a candidate could possibly be selected to office.

Great theater, to be sure.

What a pity we couldn’t watch it on Supreme Court TV.

*

Listening to a live broadcast and studying the transcripts were of some help to a mixed-up, fed-up public. We were able to get a better sense of this Bush vs. Gore brouhaha by being let in on the dialogue than we would have by reading some kind of abridged, Cliff’s Notes coverage of a closed session.

The only improvement would have been seeing it with our own eyes.

We then could have enjoyed the sight of Joseph P. Klock--whose nickname will no doubt be “Cuckoo” after this--twice calling Supreme Court justices by the wrong name as he stood representing Florida’s secretary of state.

Klock’s funniest faux pas was in addressing 80-year-old John Paul Stevens incorrectly as “Justice Brennan,” a particularly embarrassing boo-boo, inasmuch as William J. Brennan has abstained from sitting on the Supreme Court for some 10 years now, having, in fact, in 1997, passed away.

Forgive us if we accuse Katherine Harris’ mouthpiece of making a Floridian slip.

As an audience seeking insight and viewpoints from all concerned parties, we also could have watched and waited 90 minutes Monday for a moment that never came--Clarence Thomas uttering a word.

Alas, the other eight individuals on the bench did all the talking. Justice Thomas remained mum.

When all was said and done, the audiotapes of Monday’s session had no likelihood of becoming bestsellers at Barnes & Noble.

There was no sizzle. No eloquent, passionate appeal by a lawyer from either side, worthy of Clarence Darrow or Raymond Burr. No outburst by a judge, declaring that he will tolerate no further outbursts.

And not much edification, either. Ninety minutes later, some of us were no wiser than we were before.

Whose votes should be counted and why? Good question, one for brighter minds than yours or mine. But when superior intellects spoke in their own judicial jabberwocky, we needed a translator.

*

When a decision did ultimately come down Tuesday night, the language used by the Supreme Court confounded even the most brilliant legal minds. Baffled experts flipped page after page, searching for a bottom line.

The most definitive conclusion of the court seemed to be that our system of electing (or selecting) a president was a shambles. Otherwise, about all justice could do was put its blindfold back on and shrug.

There was no surprise ending, no last bizarre twist. Just one last chapter of legal mumbo-jumbo, an honest difference of opinion among essentially hung jurists, and an insinuation that they were washing their hands of the entire affair.

What this seemed to leave us with was George W. Bush, 43rd president of the United States, winner by technical knockout. Case closed. Objections overruled.

*

Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to: Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012. E-mail: mike.downey@latimes.com