LAUGH LINES

The Good Old Days: “It shows how old I am. . . . I can remember the days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices and not the other way around.” (Jay Leno)

Check It Out: “This whole Supreme Court thing is now affecting Christmas. . . . Santa was making his list, checking it twice, trying to find out who’s naughty or nice. Then the Supreme Court said he could only check his list once.” (R.J. Johnson)

The Votes That Counted: “Despite all the attention [surrounding the election], it should be noted that voter turnout was low. . . . Out of 200 million Americans, only nine voted.” (Craig Kilborn)

Word Play: “In a nationally televised address, Al Gore conceded . . . to President-Elect George W. Bush. In his own address an hour later, Bush said of Gore: ‘Conceited? I’ll say he’s conceited. I’ll bet he spent 45 minutes putting his makeup on.’ ” (Jerry Perisho)

What’s the Deal: “The Texas Rangers signed Alex Rodriguez to a new deal paying him roughly $25 million a year over 10 years. The contract didn’t raise one eyebrow locally. That’s a nice middle-class life in Dallas at today’s oil prices.” (Argus Hamilton)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.