Edison Needs a Jolt of Its Own Medicine

Southern California Edison has provided me with outstanding electricity over the years, so it’s only right that I try to help them in their hour of need.

Here’s my advice:

Electrician, heal thyself.

Call it tough love, from me to you at Christmas.

I hope it doesn’t sound too harsh. I’m usually a cupcake when it comes to people in need, but I try to draw the line at the true down-and-outers who are misused by the system.

Pardon me, but aren’t you the system?

Weren’t you in the forefront lobbying the California Legislature for deregulation that eventually opened up the electricity market in 1998? If I’m reading the papers correctly, you profited handsomely in the early going.

Now you say you’re being hosed by the electricity wholesalers who sell to you. They’re charging you a fortune, and you say you can’t afford it.

Join the club. Remember people who bought houses in the 1970s with adjustable rate mortgages? The rates started low, then guess what? Lots of people ended up with mortgage payments they couldn’t afford. They lost their houses.

I got out a bit easier. In 1983, I bought a house in a good Colorado real estate market. Three years later, when I needed to sell, the market was going south and I was lucky to break even.

I remember what friends said: “Hey, tough luck. Too bad you didn’t see that coming.”

Not a single one of them volunteered to bail me out. True, I wasn’t supplying electricity to their homes, but I guess my point is that I went into the home-buying market with eyes wide open.

There’s no doubt in my mind you knew more about deregulation than I knew about home buying, so the question is: Why should I and my fellow ratepayers rescue you from your miscalculation?

I’m not one of those Che Guevara types. I don’t automatically resent you because you’re a powerful company. I’ve been a satisfied customer for years. Believe me, I resent my cable company much, much more than I do you.

So I’m looking for a reason to help bail you out.

I just can’t think of one.

Time to Drop the Stadium Name?

You say we’ll face power shortages if you’re not helped. My first thought is, if you’ve gotten yourself into this much of a mess, do I really want you as my power provider in the first place?

Maybe the state can do a better job. A bankruptcy wouldn’t put you out of business, but it might humble you.

I’d like someone humbled by this whole mess. I feel as if I’m at someone’s mercy--someone who doesn’t have my welfare at heart--and I don’t like it.

The way it looks from here is that you took the deregulation plunge knowing all the while you had a safety net. I thought that was anathema to you barons of capitalism.

Apparently not, now that you’re beseeching the state to help you. I’m wondering if, as a show of faith, you could start selling off some assets and stockpiling some cash.

Here’s a suggestion: Give up your naming rights at the old Anaheim Stadium.

It costs you only about $1.5 million a year--but it’s a start--and you’ve got a 20-year deal. It’s probably tacky to hit you when you’re down, but nobody likes the name “Edison International Field” for a baseball park, anyway. You could probably snag a quick $30 million with some shrewd dealing.

I see others already may be thinking along those lines. The Angels announced Friday the stadium scoreboard and message board outside the ballpark will go dark for the rest of the holiday season.

Was that your idea? It was a good one. The less attention they draw to you, the better.

If I were you, I wouldn’t stop there. Why not have some workmen sneak in in the dead of night and take down your corporate logo too?

Come April when the season starts, I’m not sure you’re going to want 45,000 rate-paying baseball fans booing as one when the announcer welcomes them to “Edison International Field.”

You know how public relations-minded the Disney folks are. My hunch is they’d let you walk away, no questions asked.

Knowing them, they’re probably crafting a new stadium sign at this very moment: “The State of California Public Power District Field.”

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at the Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com.