LAUGH LINES

Twelve O’Clock High: “NASA announced that 87 of the 88 tests that John Glenn conducted in space last year were successful. The only test that Glenn wasn’t able to complete successfully was when they asked him to program a VCR.” (Conan O’Brien)

Sweet Talk: “[Presidential candidate George W. Bush] doesn’t like syrup on his pancakes. He puts powdered sugar on his--or at least I think it was powdered sugar.” (Jay Leno)

Hair, Hair: “A New York state judge removed developer Donald Trump from the Reform Party’s presidential primary ballot in that state. An angry Trump said he was mad enough to pull his hair out--which would significantly improve his image.” (Jerry Perisho)

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Chris Pina’s

Essential Daily List

Really Bad Novelty Acts

* Zentor, the Impossible to Live With

* Bob and His Talking Piece of Wood

* Tony’s All-Nude Puppet Show

* Dr. Jones’ Fabulous Spinning Dental Plates

* The Flying Philbins

* Jed and Jeb’s Amish Comedy Revue

* Pat Buchanan

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.