LAUGH LINES

Team Spirit: “John McCain, down there in South Carolina, unveiled his drug program. . . . He wants to pair troubled young people on drugs with veterans, so the veterans can teach the young people on drugs the virtues of discipline, integrity and character. He said he got the idea when he saw George W. Bush campaigning with his father.” (Bill Maher)

Model Behavior: “Steve Forbes, wow. Man, he’s getting beaten like a Naomi Campbell assistant.” (Jay Leno)

Minimal Effort: “Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for the Senate in New York. Using just the name Hillary, she didn’t use the name Clinton on her posters or buttons. She was trying to keep it clean while there were children present.” (Argus Hamilton)

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Chris Pina’s Essential Daily List

Never Uttered by James Bond

* “Bond. Junk Bond.”

* “Water and heights really scare me.”

* “Chocolate malt. Stirred, not shaken.”

* “Excuse me. It’s the bean dip.”

* “This plaid polyester suit is fabulous!”

* “Can’t 008 do it?”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.