LAUGH LINES

Sidetracked: “Minor setback for Al Gore today--I guess as he was walking the streets of New York early this morning, they found him three hours later in Queens, up on blocks, all his mechanical parts stripped off.” (Jay Leno)

Putting Down Steaks: “[The president is] going to India--first president since Jimmy Carter to visit India, and you know he’s very popular there because over there Monica Lewinsky is considered sacred.” (Bill Maher)

Standing By: “Gore and Bradley were at the Apollo [Theater] and . . . they were absolutely mean to each other and the crowd was crazy. . . . It included Whoopi Goldberg, who’s a Gore supporter, and Spike Lee, who is a Bradley supporter, and Johnnie Cochran, who was just there in case Bradley and Gore killed each other.” (Maher)

Raking It In: “Bill Bradley told the voters in New York that Al Gore is a political chameleon who simply cannot be trusted. That’s a very unfair attack. Al Gore changes colors, but only in October when he’s about to lose his leaves.” (Argus Hamilton)

A Will and a Way: “Ted Turner’s Goodwill Games got underway [last] week in Lake Placid, N.Y. Now don’t confuse this with Ted and Jane’s divorce. That’s the ‘Get Her Out of My Will’ games.” (Leno)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.