10 Movie Wishes for 2000

Since we spend most of our waking and working hours either watching movies, talking about movies, reading about movies or attending movie parties--and have developed more than a few pet peeves--we’ve come up with some suggestions for making the experience more enjoyable for everyone.

1. People who talk excessively during a movie should be kicked out, even if they’re critics; so should adults who take little kids to inappropriate movies.

2. The Academy Awards ceremony should never be longer than two hours. (For those who really care about who wins best sound effects editing, the technical awards could be shown separately on cable.)

3. No movie ads should ever contain quotes from Larry King.

4. The Motion Picture Assn. of America should stand its ground when it rates a film NC-17, and studios should be courageous enough to accept it. The same goes for theater owners, the media, video store chains and audiences. An NC-17 does not necessarily mean a movie is morally offensive, although that seems to be the current misconception. Beer is not sold to people under age 21, but the product is not regarded as inherently evil and it’s certainly a marketable commodity.

5. Leading men should be paired more often with actresses closer to their own age. Think how much more compelling the chemistry was between Pierce Brosnan (age 46) and Rene Russo (45) in “The Thomas Crown Affair” than between Brosnan and Denise Richards (27) in “The World Is Not Enough.” As for the almost 40-year difference between “Entrapment” stars Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones . . . well, enough said.

6. Box-office figures should not be released until Mondays, when actual weekend numbers are compiled. Studios report their own “estimates” to the press on Sundays, which is too much like asking a political candidate how many votes he or she thinks have been tallied rather than waiting for the polls to close.

7. Directors who make excessive use of special effects, to the detriment of their own films (“The Haunting,” “Wild Wild West”) should consider following up with low-budget, character-driven movies as an act of goodwill.

8. In movie theaters: more room between rows, little lights lining the aisles, clean floors and cup holders, cup holders, cup holders.

9. Also at movie theaters: More box offices at multiplexes should install those easily readable electronic signs that notify ticket buyers standing in line immediately when a particular movie is sold out.

10. Movie trailers should entice and intrigue, not give away the entire plot (“Double Jeopardy”), and definitely not deafen the audience (again, “Wild Wild West”).