Resolving to Treat Yourself Well
Dear Vicki: Do you believe in New Year’s resolutions?
For as long as I can remember, I have made the same resolutions: to lose weight and get fit. And every December I realize I’ve completely failed in both and vow to try again next year. It’s just that, since I had kids, I can’t seem to accomplish 50% of the things I set out to do.
I have really good intentions, but there’s always an unforeseen crisis (like a missing baseball glove five minutes before Little League playoffs or a map of California to make in the middle of the night) that gets me off track.
Anyway, for this millennium New Year’s, I couldn’t stand to make my resolutions knowing that my failures would seem even worse in 2000. How do other women, especially mothers, seem to have jobs, take care of their families and look good?
ALWAYS A DAY LATE AND
A LIFECYCLE SHORT
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Dear Always: In answer to your question about how other mothers do it--I sincerely do not know. In fact, I don’t think I really know anyone who manages to keep all her juggling balls up in the air at all times.
Sure, there are women who will swear they are raising perfect children, fighting global warming, moving up the corporate ladder and reading every book in Oprah’s club. But I secretly think these gals are lying or have big denial issues. Maybe their sex lives are deteriorating, maybe they secretly resent their in-laws or maybe they are so out of touch with reality that they don’t even recognize their own spiritual drift.
I know I sound bitter and harsh, but it’s so “un-girlfriend like” for fellow members of the Mommy Sorority to undermine those of us who frequently feel like firefighters facing brush fires armed with little more than squirt guns. Take it from someone who makes a living out of poking her nose into other people’s business: Every woman worth studying is constantly assessing her performance as a provider, a caretaker and a contributing member of her community--and usually coming up short.
In my home, it seems like my husband goes to sleep each night counting his accomplishments of the day while I lie sleeplessly listing my failures or shortcomings.
Here’s my humble suggestion for a more appropriate New Year’s resolution:
“I vow to treat myself at least half as lovingly as I treat the other people I love.”
Think about it. What a transformation it would be if we would all nourish, comfort, encourage and forgive ourselves half as much as we do our kids and our mates. We fret constantly about getting enough fresh fruit and vegetables into our resistant children, while we call a visit to Starbucks and a leftover Eggo a balanced meal for ourselves.
We call the pediatrician at the first sign of a fever for them and yet walk around with a hacking cough for months, and only make time for a call to the doctor when it looks like we might drop dead and be rendered unable to attend our kid’s fourth-grade Moms ‘n’ Muffins Morning.
We go to the mall to replace our bras and underwear long after all the lace has disintegrated, and come home with new sneakers, a pair of toddler overalls and nose-hair scissors instead.
Have I taken my own advice? Not a chance, but something tells me it would be one of the wisest commitments of my life. Mothering, working, being a wife are all exhausting pursuits without a moment now and then to rotate our own tires or refresh our perspectives.
I don’t know about you, my friend, but I’ve been running a week behind ever since Thanksgiving. So if I get one resolution made by mid-January, I’m right on track.
Besides, any resolutions potent enough to really improve my life will need to be made about 360 times before they stick--or at least until it’s time to renew my vows for New Year’s 2001.
I’ll remind you if you remind me.
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Vicki Iovine is the author of the “Girlfriends’ Guide” and parenting correspondent for NBC’s “Later Today.” Write to her at Girlfriends, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053; e-mail GrlfrndsVI@aol.com.
