Flag This Guy for Unnecessary Script Writing

So far, Oliver Stone’s “Any Given Sunday” is a box office hit, but one of the director’s fans, Skip Bayless of the Chicago Tribune, says the film’s script is about as feeble as the Cleveland Browns’ playbook.

“He took every NFL cliche he could squeeze into 2 hours 40 minutes and injected them with celluloid steroids,” Bayless wrote. “He doesn’t make you think as much as he makes your head hurt.

“He relies on the mind-numbing volume of over-the-top collisions and bang-bang appearances of former stars Jim Brown, Lawrence Taylor, Dick Butkus and Johnny Unitas to distract audiences from the absence of compelling plot or enlightening characterization.”

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No Stone unturned: Claiming “Any Given Sunday” is not Stone’s first NFL movie, a tongue-in-cheek Jay Leno asks, “Didn’t he do ‘Natural Born Killers?’ ”

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Trivia time: Bob Knight of Indiana has the most victories of any active college basketball coach. Who are the three in closest pursuit?

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No nickel defense: Just in case no one noticed, the rate of inflation rose 18.6% between 1991 and 1997.

During that same time, according to a study by University of Oregon sports marketing professor Dennis Howard, the average price of a baseball ticket rose 37.5%.

And that was relatively low. In the NFL, tickets jumped 46%. In the NBA, it was 56.3%, and in the NHL, 77%.

Soccer, anyone?

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United hair lines: The Washington Redskins, celebrating their NFC East title while flying home from San Francisco last Sunday, decided that kicker Brett Conway needed a new look.

While Conway slept, teammates drew a mustache and beard on his face.

“I was only supposed to take half the sleeping pill,” Conway said. “I took the whole thing and didn’t wake up until we landed--and woke up with a face full of ink.”

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Tokyo Cubs? Nah: Baseball season is a long way off, but Bob Verdi of the Chicago Tribune already is in midseason form.

“For a while,” he wrote recently, “the question was not whether the Cubs should open the 2000 season in Tokyo, but should they stay there?”

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Winning stupid: Recalling the more interesting sports quotes of 1999, England’s Daily Telegraph included “struggling former world No. 1 Jim Courier,” who said:

“Tennis doesn’t encourage any kind of intellectual development. The dumber you are on court, the better you’re going to play.”

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That vacant look: Dave Kindred of the Sporting News believes there might be more going on in Dallas than meets the eye.

“So Jerry Jones, the Cowboys’ owner, calls in his millionaire players to tell them he’s not getting enough bang for his buck. The question this brings to mind: When does Chan Gailey put his house up for sale?”

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Trivia answer: Lefty Driesell of Georgia State, Jerry Tarkanian of Fresno State and Lou Henson of New Mexico State.

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And finally: The Australian soccer federation reports that sales of its 2000 calendar featuring the unclad players of the women’s national team have, well, taken off.