LAUGH LINES
But a Whimper: “They are planning to make a movie about the Y2K hype and the lack of calamity that followed. It will be called ‘Apocalypse Not Now.’ ” (Gary Easley)
Sexual Healing: “Elizabeth Dole is endorsing George W. Bush. The Bush campaign hopes this will start attracting women to their candidate. If they don’t get a sex scandal pretty soon, these questions about his intelligence will never end.” (Argus Hamilton)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Boris Yeltsin Resolutions
10. Run for senator of New York.
9. Tell new guy to wear “Hello, My Name Is . . .” tag if he meets with George W. Bush.
7. Finally get around to trying this vodka Russia is so famous for.
6. As prank, walk by bread lines announcing: “The 8:15 showing of ‘The Green Mile’ is sold out.”
5. Buy new liver on EBay.
3. Personally check all three of Russia’s computers for Y2K compliance.
2. Write letter to Wynonna Judd and tell her how he really feels.
1. Remain alive until at least February.
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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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