They Grieve for a Daughter Sent Away

Re “A New Baby Restores Hope” (Jan. 4): Now let me get this straight. These parents who are understandably devastated over the death of their only boy child have received another “Gift of God” in the form of a second boy child. Now the mother is going to visit the grandparents in China to “show off her new baby” and, oh, yeah, to also see the daughter they conceived three years ago in a failed attempt at matching bone marrow for her brother. That one who was shipped away to China because “caring for their sick son and a newborn was too taxing.”

And I notice they are going to “visit” her, and no mention of bringing her back, which they could have done two years ago after their son died. But then again, she was only brought into this world for one purpose and she failed at that, right?

You may call this cultural differences, I call this dysfunctional.

--GLORIA MARINO

Los Angeles

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I am truly saddened by Ching-Ching Ni’s two-part story of the Liu family and how they are coping with the loss of their son. She seems to gloss over the fact that the Lius sent their daughter away to live in China with relatives and have no interest in having her come back. She has bought into the Chinese cultural tradition that a son is everything and daughters do not matter.

While I feel sorry that the Lius lost their first son, they do not set an example for Los Angeles on how to cope until they give their daughter as much love and care as they are giving their new son.

--GARY REISSMAN

Los Angeles

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Thank you for that wonderful article. Not only was this an interesting story, the author added many details about Chinese culture that the readers may have not known about, and it enriched my knowledge of the Chinese as a people.

I would love to see the L.A. Times devote more time to educating its readers about Chinese and Asian culture, much as the paper already does with the regular columns on Latino culture. L.A. has such a strong and growing population of Asians, and it would lead us all to understand each other that much better.

--CHRISTINA HENNESSEY

Via e-mail

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I don’t understand why Charlie is referred to as an only child while there is a sister living in China. The terrible tragedy of losing a child is a pain no family should have to endure. But it is hard to understand why this family places so little value on the children they have, conceiving one for her bone marrow, then sending her away and looking at the newborn as a replacement for his dead brother. Each child must be cherished for his or herself. Once this mother and father learn that, maybe they can begin to heal.

--CATHY LaSCOLA

Santa Monica

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It amazed me to see another article about the Liu family in the paper today. I read the article hoping to see some statement of remorse from these people who have abandoned their daughter. I am unable to feel sympathy for these people for the loss of their first son and equally unable to share in their joy at the birth of their second, knowing that had this baby also been a girl, she too may have been abandoned by her parents because of her gender. As a newly married woman who prays to have healthy children of any gender, reading about these people makes me sick and furious.

--MARIE M. NyBLOM

Via e-mail

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What are we supposed to feel upon reading this information? Joy? Sadness for their loss? For their “cultural isolation” in a city with a massive Asian population?

I see selfish people who actually conceived a human being in hopes of supplying bone marrow for the all-important son. And when this poor baby’s marrow did not match, she was packed off to China because she was too much trouble for these “wonderful” parents to care for. And they certainly could not tell their relatives that their “only” child had died until a new male was produced to take his place. This is disgusting!

--GEORGEANN ELLIOTT

San Juan Capistrano

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I too share the Liu family’s grief over the death of their son for I lost a younger sister to cancer 27 years ago. My parents were also Chinese immigrants who spoke very limited English.

My now-deceased father was born in 1903, eight years before the last Chinese emperor was overthrown. He came to America in 1922, leaving a country that had very feudal ideas regarding women, such as foot binding, arranged marriages, concubines and infanticide, and yet, as a parent in this country, he treasured his three little daughters more than most men do their sons. I find it very difficult to accept that as we enter the 21st century, there are still parents, Chinese and non-Chinese alike, who feel sons are worth more than daughters.

--DELIA YU

Laguna Niguel