Welcome to a Brave New World
Hi, I’m an e-columnist, and this is my Web page (available for purchase).
Click here for the headlines:
*Meet Our New Big Brother: AOL.
*Microsoft Is a Paper Tiger.
*Justice Department Antitrust Division All but Shuts Down.
*AT&T; Controls Nada.
*AOL’s Whine About Open Access: Pure Bull.
Will AOL Let Other Portals Play at Broadband?
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Just remember to hit the frame long enough to purchase one of our pop-up products--a Net nanny for the kids, a movie or record with the AOL stamp of approval, something fuzzy and cute from the Warner Bros. store. Vote, chat, do anything you’d like to pretend that democracy is still alive.
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Instant message from concerned virtual reader about the AOL-Time Warner merger: “Hey, bud. What’s up with CNN, the premier source of free news for much of the world? Has Turner sold out the independence of CNN for his cool $9 billion?”
Instant reply from e-columnist: “Who the hell knows?”
Fact is, CNN doesn’t even show up on the new corporate charts; not a profit center. If the new Time Warner-AOL stock goes in the toilet, CNN could be through. Then again, not making a profit could be CNN’s saving grace, since little on the Net does--just look at Salon and Slate. Maybe CNN could make out big running-banner adds for porn sites? They’re the only sites that have made the big bucks on the Internet.
No one knows what this thing called the Internet is. Every prediction, including on Y2K, has proved wrong. The Net provides more confusion than clarity, more libel than truth, more noise than music.
Indeed, the success of AOL can be attributed solely to the fact that it alone cleaned up the Internet’s act. AOL’s proudest, if implicit, boast is that it is idiot-proof, but pure. Even discussions about breast cancer have on occasion been suspect. Look for an even prissier version of AOL version 6.0 now that it wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize this mainstream merger.
Forget the Internet as a wild zone of libertarian freedom. The hacker anarchists have lost out, the corporate co-opters have won. Diversity is out, niches are gone. It’s Skippy peanut butter time.
Not to worry about ever getting lost--or inspired--surfing the Net again. AOL will hardwire the U.S. and the world into the legend codes of revealed truth handed down by the Warner Bros. and Henry Luce.
What a perfect match they are, the bland of the new and the bland of the old. The sappy old movies, properly colorized and digitized, there for instant viewing. All emanating, even as you sleep, from chips built into your HDTV sets and, eventually, your brain. You can change the channel merely by having a different thought that you believed, silly you, was actually yours.
Am I being negative? Not good for an aspiring e-columnist. Get with the program--e-writers are cheerful folk. They live for stock options, which are based on the ability of their Web site owners to sell stuff. Don’t forget that’s what this is all about.
AOL-Time Warner will design an environment for news, shopping, health, friendship and family so finely tuned to your needs that you will never want to leave home without it. And if you do, there will be a wireless contraption telling you what to eat and think.
Welcome to the brave new world.
