LAUGH LINES

On Watch: “A new survey says the gap between the richest Americans and the poorest Americans is becoming even more wide. We are actually becoming two separate societies--one that watches its bank account grow and grow and grow and another one that watches a lot of wrestling.” (Bill Maher)

Cold Spot: “Washington has been blanketed in almost six inches of snow after an unrelenting winter snowstorm. . . . It was so cold, for the first time Ted Kennedy’s nose was red and it had nothing to do with booze.” (Craig Kilborn)

Split Decision: “Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are now engaged. I heard there was an awkward moment after the proposal. After she said ‘yes,’ they invited two of their closest friends over for a celebration toast. Turns out it was Ted Turner and Jane Fonda.” (Andrew Wisot)

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Chris Pina’s Essential Daily List

George Washington’s Gripes

* On measly $1 bill.

* Too often confused with Barbara Bush.

* Interns not invented yet.

* Paid too much for Mount Vernon.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.