Judge Faces True-or-False Test on Resume

Bake someone happy . . . Directory assistance . . . Direct deposit? . . . Jacko watch.

Superior Court Judge Patrick Couwenberg just might turn out to be the Los Angeles bench’s version of the Talented Mr. Ripley. The state Commission on Judicial Performance is looking into allegations that Couwenberg, a former prosecutor who sits in Norwalk, has made up stories about his academic and military achievements.

Couwenberg is accused of providing false information in his application for a judicial appointment, to lawyers appearing before him and to the commission during its investigation. His written response to the charges is due Monday.

Here’s where it gets interesting. Among the judge’s alleged fabrications:

He claimed he attended Cal State Los Angeles, Loyola Law School and Caltech. He said he was involved in the Veterans of Foreign Wars, went to Vietnam at 18, was recruited from the Navy to the Army, attained the rank of corporal and received a Purple Heart.

He testified that he earned a master’s degree in psychology and participated in a covert CIA operation in Southeast Asia. He explained that he was late for court because of a doctor’s appointment for shrapnel in his groin.

None of the above is true, according to the commission’s written notice that it has launched formal proceedings against Couwenberg.

His lawyer, Edward George Jr., says Couwenberg has a reputation as a “judge’s judge.” Any “misstatements” weren’t made maliciously, he added, and don’t affect Couwenberg’s ability to judge fairly and impartially. He will fight the allegations.

DUEL: The gag order is dust. At last it’s safe for accused SLA bomb-plotter Sara Jane Olson to make artichoke dip on public radio.

Olson plans to appear Friday on Pasadena’s KPCC-FM (89.3). She’ll put host Kitty Felde’s blender to good use while hawking the cookbook “Serving Time: America’s Most Wanted Recipes.”

Olson is making amends for a date she broke last month, when she still was choking on her gag. The dip-making debut is part of Olson’s media campaign to show people she’s a civic-minded Susie Homemaker, not a wild-eyed SLA cop-car bomber.

Not to be outdone on the domestic goddess front, the chief witness against Olson--Patty Hearst Shaw--will give tours of Hearst Castle in San Simeon on two Travel Channel specials. The shows are slated to air next spring--just about the time Los Angeles prosecutors hope to call Hearst, the SLA kidnap victim-turned-convert, to the witness stand at Olson’s murder-conspiracy trial.

“Patricia’s memories of childhood summers at San Simeon will give viewers a very personal story as well as the history behind this much loved tourist attraction,” the Travel Channel’s senior vice president, Steve Cheskin, was quoted as saying during a recent press junket.

Yes, and her memories of two other summers with the Symbionese Liberation Army could give jurors another very personal story about a less-than-loved time in history.

CLEAN SLATE: Last week we noted that a directory in the downtown Criminal Courts Building still listed, 19 years after the fact, the names of state Supreme Court Chief Justice Ronald M. George and other judges long gone from the concrete bunker.

That directory, a glass case containing little white letters arranged on a black background, now is blank.

ROMAN HOLIDAY: Exiled director Roman Polanski has another reason not to come back to the United States. Artisan Entertainment Inc. says Polanski “absconded with over a million dollars” earmarked for the production of the film “The Ninth Gate.”

The suit, filed in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, accuses Polanski of fraud and breach of contract, saying he “brazenly deposited the money” into his own foreign bank account. The studio that brought us “The Blair Witch Project” and “Buena Vista Social Club” seeks damages of $1.2 million.

The Polish-born director, known for “Chinatown” and “Rosemary’s Baby,” fled the U.S. in the wake of charges that he had slipped an underage girl Quaaludes and champagne, then seduced her in a hot tub. He lives in France and could not be reached for comment.

TICKTOCK, JACKO: The watch might have been worth more than a million bucks, but it apparently didn’t help Michael Jackson keep track of the time.

A Beverly Hills jewelry store is suing the gloved one, claiming he agreed to buy a rare diamond watch at a big discount, kept it for four months, then returned it damaged.

Jackson is being sued in Santa Monica Superior Court by R&S; Antiques, owner of the Rodeo Drive jewelry retailer David Orgell. According to the suit, Jackson began negotiating to buy the 245-year-old watch, called the King Kalla Vacheron Constantine, in October. He talked the price down from $1.9 million to $1.5 million, then took it home in December, supposedly just for a few days while he made up his mind.

In April, Jackson returned the watch, allegedly scratched and dirty.

The suit seeks payment for the timepiece, as well as $15,000 for other items purchased by Jackson. In a statement, Jacko flacko Howard Rubenstein denied the allegations, adding that the King of Pop never decided to buy the watch.

OOPS: The Court Files goofed last week in reporting that a judge had dismissed Beverly Hills widow Marcelle Becker’s original civil suit against American Airlines. In fact, a jury in Santa Monica returned a verdict in the airline’s favor after a trial in March 1999.