LAUGH LINES

Made to Order: “Cher says she’s thinking of adopting a baby. Why adopt? . . . With all her plastic surgeons, she could make a kid out of the spare parts.” (Jay Leno)

Marriage Woes: “Bill Clinton has threatened to veto the marriage-penalty relief bill passed by the House and Senate. If he has to be penalized for being married, everybody has to be penalized [too].” (Gary Easley)

Fighting Fire: “A White House fire was caused by construction crews. The fire did not spread and was quickly extinguished. Is anybody surprised? This is what the White House has become best at!” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

At Your Fingertips: “All palm devices will have Web access by the end of the year. How about that? You’ll be able to have the world in the palm of your hands.” (Daily Scoop)

Reality TV: “Dennis Rodman has rigged up his home with cameras so he can show off his glamorous parties on the Internet. What does he plan to call this live-action soap? . . . ‘As the Worm Turns’?” (Cortes)

Calendar Girls: “According to Men’s Health magazine, the average man has about 12 sex partners in his lifetime. . . . Miss January, Miss February, Miss March. . . .” (Leno)