A Refined Wedding Registry for 2nd- and 3rd-Timers
Bridal registries have always been the perfect opportunity for couples to ask for anything they want. But these days, they’re not necessarily a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Couples who are marrying for a second (or third) time are registering for gifts right along with the first-timers, retailers say. And the gifts they choose tend toward the elegant rather than the essential.
“Younger couples need everything, whereas more established couples don’t need toasters or blenders,” says Lisa Walker, manager of the bridal registry at a Macy’s. “They’re going for crystal and china and the items that they have always wanted.”
It’s Limoges versus the lemon zester.
Consider the wish list of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and his soon-to-be third bride, Callista Bisek:
Twelve place settings of Waterford china in palest ivory rimmed with hand-applied bands of gold. Lacquer chargers painted gleaming gold to set off the dinner plates. Lead-crystal goblets, flutes and water glasses from Waterford etched with a delicate diamond pattern. Lenox flatware ringed with a gold band. For a more intimate setting, king-size, 280-thread-count, sateen Sandy Dune sheets from Ralph Lauren.
The registry of tableware, cookware and linens from Macy’s and Williams-Sonoma, worth more than $14,000, suggests the taste and lifestyle of a couple who are planning formal dinners, not backyard barbecues.
First-time newlyweds, even those who have already set up housekeeping together, are often in need of the essentials: the dishcloths, mixing bowls and measuring spoons of daily life. Stores such as Pottery Barn, Restoration Hardware and Crate & Barrel are popular destinations for young couples looking for affordable basics for cooking and casual entertaining. At Crate & Barrel, chip-and-dip sets and margarita glasses are top sellers, along with barware and related accessories. Cooking gadgets are big--especially anything made by Oxo--along with salad spinners and woks.
“These couples lead extremely busy lives, but they have friends and like to entertain,” says Bette Kahn, spokeswoman for Crate & Barrel. “We know this bride is not going to be at home cooking all day. So we teach them how to set a gracious but casual table,” she adds. “Not everybody needs everything.”
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The second--or more--time around, it’s not about basics. It’s more about luxury. Fine china and crystal. Status cookware. Ultra-chic espresso-makers. Upgrade. Upgrade. Upgrade.
Those who are remarrying--and are usually somewhat older, often more affluent--aspire to quality and elegance, seeking the best that they--and their guests--can afford, says Diane Brown, vice president of Tiffany & Co. in Washington.
“Those who have been married before tend to steer away from the usual,” says Rusty Bell, manager of Chiasso, a contemporary home furnishings store in Virginia. “They go for funner, innovative stuff or more extravagant items--basically, the stuff they wouldn’t buy for themselves.”
Sharon Squassoni, 37, and David Kaufmann, 42, lived together before getting married last year. Because it was the second marriage for both, each had a houseful of essentials and were “in the position of not really needing anything,” Kaufmann says.
They hadn’t even planned to register until far-flung relatives asked for guidance in selecting gifts.
“We’re more the Restoration Hardware types, but we ended up at Bloomingdale’s and Williams-Sonoma,” Kaufmann adds. Since a common interest is cooking, they decided to go for Cadillac equipment--Le Creuset and All-Clad, high-end versions of their current cookware.
Retailers point out that registry lists remain dominated by the big three--china, crystal and silver. But when these traditional items appear on the registries of younger couples, it is often at the behest of an insistent mother or mother-in-law.
“We wanted to register at REI (a chain of stores specializing in outdoor equipment), but my mother-in-law wouldn’t let us,” says Hannah Kreslins, a 30-year-old hair-salon owner and stylist in Washington. “She wanted us to register for what she considered proper types of presents at places like Mikasa.” Kreslins and her husband, Kristops, wound up not registering at all.
Morris Pittle, 28, a copywriter at Arnold Communications, has been married for nine months.
“To this day, I still haven’t seen our fine china, fine crystal and fine flatware,” he says. “I’ve been told that someday we’ll be glad we have it. It’s $15,000 worth of storage space, as far as I’m concerned.
“Does anyone really entertain at home to that extent anymore? That’s what overpriced restaurants are for,” Pittle says. “I personally would’ve rather had the cash and bought a cool car, but having a powerful mother-in-law, we had the full shebang.”
He and his wife, Emily, a merchandise coordinator for Neiman Marcus, have found the more-everyday items they received to be of much-greater use: dinnerware, a coffee maker, a toaster, bath towels.
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Indeed, cash and gift certificates, once considered less-than-perfectly proper, are increasingly de rigueur and, in fact, openly requested.
“Stick to the registry or send a check,” say Heather and Jim McLeod of Washington. The couple, who were married a year ago, had the benefit of Heather’s experience as a former bridal consultant.
A growing number of couples, hoping to buy a home, send carefully worded announcements from banks. The printed card, mailed after the invitations, requests gifts in the form of contributions to a savings account dedicated solely toward the purchase of a house.
“I’ve had 20 couples so far since January,” says Roya Mattis, marketing coordinator at the Fairfax, Va., office of SunTrust Mortgage Inc. “It’s a wonderful alternative, especially for older couples who don’t need the stuff for inside the house. They need the home itself.”
The whole issue of registering for a remarriage, asking for gifts from some of the same guests who brought gifts to the first wedding, can make people uneasy. Despite the fact that nearly half of the marriages in the United States these days are remarriages, couples can be hesitant to admit that one or the other has been wed before, say bridal consultants.
“In reality, guests are going to bring gifts to any wedding because it’s an event worth commemorating,” says Beth Reed Ramirez, publisher of Bride Again magazine and a self-described “encore bride.”
According to Ramirez, gift registry can be even more important for “encore brides.” With younger couples, it’s easy to assume they need everything. But with older couples, it’s harder to know what they want or need. Perhaps both individuals lost household belongings in a divorce settlement. Or the couple’s items may be outdated and in desperate need of replacement. “Or the couple may simply want to start fresh with new memories and new things,” Ramirez says.
