The Right Pack for a Remake

Everyone in Hollywood, it seems, wants to be in the remake of “Ocean’s Eleven,” the definitive Rat Pack movie from 1960.

Which raises two questions: Have they bothered to watch the relatively hokey, pokey original? And, more to the point, who will land those coveted parts?

So far, what’s known is that Steven Soderbergh has signed on to direct George Clooney, who will take the Frank Sinatra role of ringleader Danny Ocean. Other names that have been rumored to be attached include Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts and, most recently, Bruce Willis.

Still to be determined are who will play Nos. 4-11 (Julia doesn’t count as one of the 11). While several of the original 11 roles were filled by long-forgotten bit players, this project is obviously high-profile enough to warrant a set of all-star faces, even in the smallest roles. So here are a few suggestions, as well as some thoughts about how to bring this lounge-lizard classic into the 21st century.

The Story

Original plot: A group of World War II Army buddies gathers in Las Vegas 15 years after the war to simultaneously rob the five biggest casinos just after the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, 1960.

Remake plot: If it’s 2000 and they’re war buddies, that means they met either during the Gulf War or, more unlikely, the invasion of Grenada. And Vegas is a lot bigger than when the Rat Pack robbed the Sands, Sahara, Flamingo, Desert Inn and Riviera. Now it would have to be the Bellagio, the Luxor, Mandalay Bay, Excalibur and New York New York.

Alternatives: They could be Vietnam buddies and the story could be set in the early 1980s. Or the writers could choose to keep them WWII comrades and make it a hipper period film set in deepest, darkest 1960.

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Original actor: Frank Sinatra

Character: Danny Ocean, the group’s ringleader

Suggested replacement: George Clooney (already confirmed)

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Original actor: Dean Martin

Character: Sam Harmon, lounge singer

Suggested replacement: Bruce Willis (even if he does have to sing)

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Original actor: Sammy Davis Jr.

Character: Josh Howard, garbage man and group’s only nod to diversity

Suggested replacement: Wesley Snipes

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Original actor: Peter Lawford

Character: Jimmy Foster, spoiled rich kid, mama’s boy and Ocean’s best friend

Suggested replacement: Brad Pitt

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Original actor: Joey Bishop

Character: Mushy O’Connors, group smart-aleck

Suggested replacement: Garry Shandling

The Other 6

Character: Anthony Bergdorf, electrical expert secretly dying of unnamed ailment

Original actor: Richard Conte

Suggested replacement: Harvey Keitel

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Character: Roger Corneal, functionary and pal of Bergdorf character

Original actor: Henry Silva

Suggested replacement: James Woods

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Character: Vince Massler, strip-joint owner and general tough guy

Original actor: Buddy Lester

Suggested replacement: Sean Penn

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Character: Curly Stephens, one-joke functionary because of nickname (he’s bald)

Original actor: Richard Benedict

Suggested replacement: Dennis Franz

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Character: Peter Breimer, nondescript functionary

Original actor: Norman Fell

Suggested replacement: William H. Macy

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Character: Louis Jackson, functionary distinguished by cowboy duds, accent

Original actor: Clem Harvey

Suggested replacement: Woody Harrelson

Other characters who figure prominently

Character: Beatrice Ocean, Danny’s estranged wife (only in two scenes)

Original actor: Angie Dickinson

Suggested replacement: Julia Roberts (guaranteed to be seen more than that)

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Character: Spyros Acebos, comic-relief ethnic mastermind of the job

Original actor: Akim Tamiroff

Suggested replacement: Roberto Benigni

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Character: Mrs. Restes, Jimmy Foster’s much-married rich mother

Original actor: Ilka Chase

Suggested replacement: Shirley MacLaine (the tribute role)

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Character: Duke Santos, ex-gangster called in to solve the robbery

Original actor: Cesar Romero

Suggested replacement: Jack Nicholson

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Character: Drunk young woman who nearly interrupts the robbery

Original actor: Shirley MacLaine in an uncredited cameo

Suggested replacement: Cameron Diaz