LAUGH LINES
Sporting Survival Skills: “Have you seen CBS’ new hit show ‘Survivor’? . . . It’s the harrowing story of an L.A. Lakers fan trying to make his way from the Staples Center to his car.” (Jerry Perisho)
*
The Essential
David Letterman
Top 10 Signs That the Guy
Sitting Next to You Has Air Rage
10. When flight attendant asks him to fasten seat belt, he does it--around her neck.
9. He threatens to use your kidneys as a flotation device.
8. It’s an hour into the flight, and he’s already eaten 12 in-flight magazines.
7. Uses PA system to read list of passengers he hates.
6. The only thing he makes sure that’s in the upright position is his middle finger.
5. He tells the flight attendant, “I’m fine, but the satanic urges inside me would love a diet cola.”
4. He remarks that people on ground look like insects--and you haven’t taken off yet.
3. His name: Bob Knight. His only carry-on item: a metal folding chair.
2. Unbuckles pants in cabin and yells, “Prepare for a water landing!”
1. Tries to store his carry-on luggage in you.
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.
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