LAUGH LINES

Marketing Tip: “You know that online auction company, EBay? A guy was trying to sell his soul on the Internet. . . . There is a big legal case over it, and they told him that he can’t sell his soul on their Web site. They said, ‘If you want to sell your soul, run for president like everybody else.’ ” (Jay Leno)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Last Lines for David Hasselhoff’s Character on “Baywatch”

10. “It’s only been 29 minutes since I ate, but I think I’ll go for a swim.”

9. “Call doctor! Losing blood! Chest hair caught in outboard motor!”

7. “I just saw a dead fish that was, like, totally gross, so I’m quitting.”

6. “What I’ll miss most is the dedication of the crew--well, that and all the naked girls with the nice breasts.”

5. “Tell the kind people of Germany I love them.”

4. “Don’t worry, it’s just a routine heart examination.”

3. “I’m sorry to disappoint all my gay fans.”

2. “You haven’t heard the last of David Hasselhoff . . . oh, wait, you probably have.”

1. “Bay, I won’t be watching you anymore.”

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