Charity Begins at Home--and Ends in the Dead Letter Office

How about postal customers going postal? You couldn’t blame Ken Neubeiser of Burbank if he felt tempted.

A letter he mailed to a United Way charity in November 1995 was returned, undelivered, recently. And it was accompanied by no apology from the post office. Far from it.

The charred, crumbling envelope contained a charitable contribution Neubeiser had written on his Great Western Bank checking account (Great Western was purchased by another company in 1997).

There was no hint as to where the letter had sat for the last four-plus years. But the reason for its return was made very clear. “Additional Postage Required .01,” said the stamped notation on the letter.

After all, Neubeiser had used a 32-cent stamp.

But Neubeiser (who shared the letter with me) pointed out that 32 cents was the correct postage in 1995.

Not to mention 1996, 1997 and 1998, when the letter was in postal custody.

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TRUE L.A. MOMENT: My colleague Geoff Boucher visited the tony Cafe Montana in Santa Monica, whose walls are adorned with posters of Oscar-nominated movies. And there, having breakfast underneath a poster showing Anthony Hopkins in “Titus” was . . .

Anthony Hopkins.

It wasn’t quite a double image, though--the flesh-and-blood Hopkins was not wearing the helmet he dons in the movie.

Boucher didn’t ask the management but wondered if it was the policy of the cafe to seat actors as close to their posters as possible (i.e. “Mr. Hanks, your booth by ‘The Green Mile’ is ready . . .”)

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I’M SURPRISED THEY CAN EVEN SMILE: Charlene Bieschke of Laguna Niguel noticed a reference in a business publication to poultry and livestock “laughter-houses.”

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THANKS FOR THE WARNING: Steve Durgin of Woodland Hills found an interesting sign in the men’s room of a church auditorium near Los Angeles International Airport (see photo). No holy water jokes, please.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.comg