Growing Pains: “The Academy Awards ran a...

Growing Pains: “The Academy Awards ran a little long Sunday night. I’m not certain, but I think I saw Haley Joel Osment pass through puberty.” (Jerry Perisho)

Dare to Bare?: Recently, “on the ‘Today’ show, Matt Lauer asked Darva Conger, the millionaire bride, if she’ll accept Playboy’s offer to pose nude . . . and she said she’s definitely not saying ‘no’ to anything . . . especially if it involves getting an extra minute tacked onto her 15 minutes of fame.” (Andrew Wisot)

Lighten Up: “According to a brand new study, the contestants in the Miss America pageant are getting thinner and thinner. And many of them are malnourished. For instance, last year’s winner has been wearing her crown as a belt.” (Conan O’Brien)

Fast Forward: “You know how you can tell the Oscars show is too long? You know that montage they do every year of the movie stars who have died in the past year? Did you ever notice as you are watching that some of those people were actually in the audience earlier that evening?” (Jay Leno)

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