In the Woods

With JoAnne Worley heading the cast, you may expect a good deal morethan you get in the Falcon Theatre’s disappointing “updating” of “Hansel and Gretel.” You do get Worley, however, and that’s the show’s saving grace.

With comic chops as robust as ever, this “Laugh-In” luminary and consummate stage pro could make reading the phone book funny, and she manages to provide a sense of fun to Lori Marshall’s lackluster, expository script and director Kevin Larkin’s uninspired staging. It’s uphill for the rest of the capable cast.

Worley plays “Tuff-A-Nanny,” hired by wood-chopping Dad (Tom Urich) to watch bickering twins Hansel (Daston Kalili) and Gretel (Beth Anne Garrison). Using her laptop, she hypnotizes Dad into sending the twins off to Tree Top Boarding School because not only are they loud and annoying, but they also cramp her style: She’s trying to develop a Web site idea.

In reality, the nanny is the witch, a.k.a. Madame Le Chef, who then kidnaps the twins because she needs tasters for her sugar-packed culinary creations. The tangled explanation is that she plans to make children everywhere eat lots of sugar so that they’ll become impossible to live with. Their parents will then want to replace them with the purchase of good children from her “Sweet Tooth” Web site.

The witch’s motivation? Money. She wants to be rich--”richer than Britney Spears”--in order to indulge her passion for shoes by Prada, Gucci and Ferragamo. Brainy Gretel seemingly changes sides to become her partner in the venture; “I love the color black about as much Christina Aguilera,” she says. Besides, Madame has promised to buy her “a new waffle iron from Williams-Sonoma.”

The script also includes lazy references to Nickelodeon, “Austin Powers’ ” Mini-Me, the Powerpuff Girls and Gretel’s lame taunt to Hansel--”last one there is a Backstreet Boy.”

Even if the proliferation of scattershot references to designer labels, Tae-Bo lessons and upscale shopping were more wittily woven into the script, it would be surprising--not to mention sad--if they had relevance for a 5- or 6-year-old. Young children are simply short-changed by the show’s insular appeal to older, comfortably off consumers.

Equally disappointing is the weak use of Penny Marshall’s prerecorded, unmistakable nasal whine as the voice of Miz Moon, who says that she’s about to go into eclipse and take a vacation but can’t until Hansel and Gretel’s predicament is resolved. Marshall’s involvement (along with a few other “surprise” recorded voices) is tenuous, superimposed on, not integrated into the tale. Set designer James Witherall’s nicely styled, two-faced disk, suspended above the center of the stage, glows when Marshall is heard speaking, but there is no sense of interaction with the characters on stage. (Peter Falco is credited with the show’s lights-up, lights-down lighting design.)

Lori Marshall’s most creative contribution is in turning the window and door of the witch’s house into characters in the play. Winnie Window (Alicia Lee) and Donnie Door (Liam Kyle Sullivan) are a clever spark in the show, enhanced by Witherall’s imaginative accommodation for the actors’ legs and arms in the skewed angles of his candy house set piece. Denise Ervin did the playful costumes.

The Falcon can be admired for its commitment to making children’s theater a regular part of its theater season; what it needs now is to measure up to the play that launched its official series for young audiences: last fall’s genuinely funny and smart production of Lois Lowry’s book “Anastasia Krupnik,” expertly adapted and directed by Falcon executive producer Meryl Friedman.

BE THERE

“Hansel and Gretel,” Falcon Theatre, 4252 Riverside Drive, Burbank, Saturdays at 1 and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 1 p.m. Ends May 21. $8.50. (818) 955-8101.