LAUGH LINES

Dr. Zorro: “The doctor who carved his initials into a patient giving birth won’t be going to jail. Instead, Dr. Allan Zarkin has agreed to give up medicine. The question is this: If he’s a doctor, how were they able to decipher the initials?” (Daily Scoop)

Safe and Sound: “In Belgium, John Tesh hired 200 armed security guards to work at his next concert. Apparently at his last concert, a lot of people got away.” (Craig Kilborn)

Play Dates: “The State Department is bringing some of [Elian Gonzalez’s] playmates from Cuba to visit him in the Washington, D.C., area. . . . I think the last time four playmates visited the Washington area, Clinton invited Ms. October, Ms. November, Ms. December, Ms. January.” (David Letterman)

Full Confessions: “In his recent interview with Leonardo DiCaprio, President Clinton said he dims the lights at the White House to save money on electricity. It also enables him to sneak in without being noticed.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Oh, Boy: “Some sad news: ABC has decided to cancel its long-running series, ‘Boy Meets World.” So I guess now the boy will see the end of the world.” (Andrew Wisot)

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