A Touch of Mystery in Her Message

As a teen, Christian pop singer-songwriter Jennifer Knapp was too busy indulging in sex and alcohol to think much about God. So when her interest in religion was awakened in college, the key issue wasn’t what she thought of God, but what she feared God thought of her.

“I’ve screwed up majorly in my life,” Knapp, 26, says, “so the ultimate questions became, ‘Can God forgive how contrary I am to his holiness?’ . . . and, ‘Am I a person of value who can be loved by God despite my flaws?’ ”

Knapp is now a rising star in Christian music--she won the 1999 Dove Award as Christian music’s new artist of the year--but such worries continue to creep into her thoughts and, by extension, into the songs on her 1997 debut album, “Kansas,” named for the state of her birth, and her new “Lay It Down” CD.

But voicing her doubts is one thing that doesn’t worry her.

“Oftentimes Christianity is misunderstood . . . that [perception] that we have all the answers and that everything will be perfect if you’re a believer,” says Knapp, who performs at Melodyland in Anaheim on Saturday. “That’s just not true.”

“Furthermore,” she adds, “there’s the notion that any kind of examination or doubt is inappropriate. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have a question about the uncertainty that the next day holds. For me personally, without that ability to probe deeper, I wouldn’t have found the answers that led me to Christ.”

That path began when she was a freshman at Pittsburg State University in Kansas in the early ‘90s. At the time, Knapp says, Christianity was the furthest thing from her mind. She even confesses to mocking some Christians who were living in her dorm or attending classes with her.

“As I got to know these particular students as real human beings, and watched them cling to the hope God held out in solving the mysteries in their lives, it really impacted me,” she says. “It’s hard to explain, but I couldn’t deny that some other presence existed in their lives. It intrigued me, particularly as I came to recognize my own brokenness--and just how far away I was from hope and happiness.”

Still, despite the awakening, her own spiritual transformation was hardly easy.

“I had to be willing to admit vulnerability and weakness,” says Knapp, whose singing can sound like a melancholy Natalie Merchant one moment, a husky-voiced Melissa Etheridge the next.

Since she doesn’t feel privy to the answers to life’s mysteries, Knapp often uses oblique or cryptic lyrics to share her testaments of faith and forgiveness, sin and salvation.

“It’s kind of funny because I never anticipated sitting in the corners of my room with my acoustic guitar trying to write songs,” she says.

Additionally, “Spirituality isn’t something most people deal with in a public forum. It’s more personal, and there is a shy part of me that doesn’t want to open up that much,” she says. “I want to provide the kind of mystery that doesn’t reveal all the details--but enough so the listener can make the experience transferable.”

On “Lay It Down,” Knapp, who now lives in Michigan, offers a broad mix of heartland rock, folk, funk and soul, from hard-rocking anthems (“Into You”) to mandolin-flavored alt-folk (“When Nothing Satisfies”) to the soft, almost jazzy tones of an emotionally charged ballad (“Usher Me Down”).

“My friends and I used to listen to a lot of R.E.M., the B-52’s, the Indigo Girls . . . rockin’ stuff like that,” she explains. “But then I’d hear something by Suzanne Vega or Joni Mitchell, and they seemed like kindred spirits to me because of the type of [emotional] place that they wrote from. Sometimes I wonder, though, if it’s a betrayal to music to not embrace one style. I am concerned, too, about the new [album] having a musical identity crisis. But I don’t think I really have the ability to stick to one thing, so I just do whatever feels natural to me.”

“Kansas” has sold nearly 350,000 copies, and with her pop and rock leanings, Knapp appears to have the potential to reach an even wider audience.

But would she want to?

“Although I obviously feel comfortable playing before like-minded people, I wouldn’t say I only want Christians to listen to me,” says Knapp. “You may not embrace my message, but I think there are other worthwhile aspects to what I do. Good music is good music.”

“In playing three or four Lilith Fair dates last year, I realized that I could be myself as long as I’m willing to not demand that the entire world believe as I do,” says Knapp. “That experience allowed me to connect with people outside of my circle, and that’s a healthy thing. It kind of forces you to lay yourself on the line a little bit.”

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Jennifer Knapp and Third Day play Saturday at the Melodyland Christian Center, 400 W. Freedman Way, Anaheim. 3:30 and 7 p.m. $17.50 to $19.50. (714) 635-6391.