‘Geppetto’: Wooden Retelling of ‘Pinocchio’

“Once upon a time . . . there was a little wooden puppet named Pinocchio. But, alas, this is not his story. . . . “

Drew Carey’s intro to the new “Wonderful World of Disney’s” musical extravaganza, “Geppetto,” has it right: Alas, indeed.

This disappointing retelling of Carlo Collodi’s classic, “Pinocchio,” from toy maker Geppetto’s POV, is packed with TV talent: Drew Carey, one of the special’s executive producers, plays Geppetto; Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a glamorous, Billie Burke-ish Blue Fairy; Brent Spiner plays Stromboli, the film’s demented villain; and Rene Auberjonois plays wacky inventor Professor Buonragazzo in a segment not found in the original story.

Other new additions to the tale feature Wayne Brady (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?”) as a bungling magician, and “SNL’s” Ana Gasteyer as a schoolteacher; actor and R&B; star Usher Raymond plays the sly Ringleader of the amusement park where bad boys turn into donkeys.

The production, directed by Tom Moore, is lavish as all get out but the end result is a surprisingly not-quite-ready-for-prime-time effort.

On the plus side: a Disneyfied gloss, kitsch and color, courtesy of production designer Charles J.H. Wood and costume designer Hope Hanafin, as well as Jerry Mitchell’s perky Broadway-style choreography. On the minus side: Carey’s weak vocals and shaky performance in the title role and an overall forced earnestness to the whole affair.

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First you must accept that it has never occurred to Carey’s youthful, very robust, clearly successful Geppetto to pursue a matrimonial path to parenthood as he awkwardly pines (no pun intended) for a ready-made son.

Then you need to swallow that this loving, needy Geppetto would suddenly erupt in heavy-handed anger when he thinks Pinocchio has misbehaved, unpleasantly yelling and yanking his arm. And that he would complain within Pinocchio’s earshot that he wants the Blue Fairy to take Pinocchio away and bring him a better son.

In David I. Stern’s slight script, this serves to send Pinocchio (unsympathetic Seth Adkins) on the path to misadventure. It also sets up Geppetto’s own quest to find him, while learning belabored lessons in being a good father.

Meanwhile, songs by Academy Award-winning composer Stephen Schwartz, while lively and tuneful, are overly long and overly reprised as if there weren’t enough story to fill the allotted time.

Disney’s preoccupation with Broadway-style TV family musicals has had its rewards--the 1997 blockbuster Brandy vehicle, “Cinderella,” and last year’s delightfully reconceived “Annie”--but this isn’t one of them.

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* “Geppetto” can be seen Sunday at 7 p.m. on ABC. The network has rated it TV-G (suitable for all ages).