Feeling Betrayed, You Ought to Just ‘Delete’

Not only did the “ILoveYou” virus make a fool of me (I opened the infectious e-mail attachment thinking it was a note from a secret admirer), but the pesky bug has spooked me on e-mail altogether.

Every day has become as nerve-wracking as April Fool’s. As I scroll through my e-mails, I am on guard: Is someone trying to trick me again or am I just being paranoid?

Here’s what I mean:

“An urgent message from U.S. Sen. Barbara Boxer.” She seems nice, but what if she’s asking for money? Best to delete.

“Ripped Pants.” Maybe someone’s trying to tell me something . . . well, I’m not going to fall for that. Delete, then rush to bathroom to check pants.

“Amish quilt.” Probably safe. I did praise their lovely quilts recently, so why would they want to infect me? Maybe it’s a thank-you. Or maybe that’s the trick. Hey, isn’t it against their religion to use computers? Delete, delete, delete!

“Love this one.” Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna fall for that again. Delete.

“Toe thong.” Too raunchy. Delete. (How was I supposed to know it was from my mom?)

“Mother’s Day Order Confirmation.” Uh-oh. Our techies said this could be a variant of the “Love Bug.” But wait. I did order a Mother’s Day gift online! Oh no. Now what? Maybe I’ll forward it to my editor and let her open it.

“Relief from gasoline prices is finally here.” Liars. Just filled my money-sucking tank this morning. Delete.

“Laws of Papal Succession.” How cute. It’s from my boyfriend. Could be a real “ILoveYou” e-mail in disguise!

“Wouldn’t it be funny if someone used that to send a virus instead of ILoveYou?” wrote Adam. “Then people on the nightly news would have to say something like, ‘More fallout today from the “Laws of Papal Succession” virus. . . .’ ”

Very funny, Adam. Would it have killed ya to say, “I love you?”

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Ladies, start your engines. . . . The “Erin Brockovich” silicone gel bras are in! The Ultimo bra, used to give Julia Roberts her surprisingly ample cleavage in the film, made its debut at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills on Tuesday. And there was already a waiting list.

“We do have a list of about 20 or 25 people, and we’ve had quite a lot of calls,” said a salesperson in the intimate apparel department.

The Ultimo ($56) was created by 28-year-old Scotland native Michelle Mone after suffering through an uncomfortable night of dancing in a push-up bra, according to Fashion Wire Daily. Mone and her husband spent three years and $500,000 developing Ultimo, which contains packets of silicone gel in the cups.

The packets allow women to push their breasts in, and if sagging is a concern, the packets of gel, which warms to the body, can be placed under the breasts for an insta-lift.

Could give L.A.’s plastic surgeons a run for their money.

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Booth Moore can be reached at booth.moore@latimes.com.