Very Impressive, but Can They Make Noises With Their Armpits?

The 2001 edition of the Guinness World Records book honors the achievements of several locals, including Bob Hatch of Pasadena, who “snapped his fingers with a decibel meter reading of 108 on May 17, 2000.”

Obviously trying to get a waiter’s attention.

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FEAT IN MOUTH: Some other Guinness marks, none of which I recommend you try to surpass:

* “Johnny Reitz managed to stuff three regulation-sized hamburgers (including buns and condiments) into his mouth at the same time” for a “Guinness Records” TV broadcast on June 17, 1998. “He was not allowed to swallow any part of the hamburgers.”

* Super Joe Reed made history’s “highest roof-to-roof motorcycle jump” July 30, 1998, when he drove “from the roof of one 160-foot-tall building to another in a 250 cc dirt bike in L.A.” There was a gap of 65 feet between the buildings but no other traffic at that altitude.

And, especially, avoid attempting this one out of compassion for the rest of us:

* Dave Thomas of Wendy’s hamburgers has appeared in 652 commercials, the “most ads starring a company founder.” The only way I would watch No. 653 would be if Dave tried to better Reitz’s record.

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GUIDE TO DARING DINING: Now that I’ve got you in the mood for stuffing your face, let me say that this column’s Specials of the Day (see accompanying) include: a dish that sounds like a phone company promo (Wendy Mollett) and a noisy condiment to add to your soup or salad (R.J. Morris).

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TOO LATE FOR DAN QUAYLE: Ben Beisel of Hawthorne points out:

* If GH can stand for P as in hiccough

* If OUGH can stand for O in dough

* If PHTH can stand for T as in phthisis

* If EIGH can stand for A as in neighbor

* If TTE can stand for T as in gazette

* If EAU can stand for O as in plateau

Then POTATO can be spelled GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU.

I don’t even want to think about what the plural would be.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.