The Police Sniffed at This Excuse

Do not exceed 250 doses over a 30-day period: A woman who allegedly stole some Sudafed from a Paramount drugstore was arrested for intent to manufacture the illegal drug methamphetamine. The latter contains an ingredient found in Sudafed. The suspect, however, “insisted she just had a really bad cold,” the city’s newsletter recounted in its “In the Line of Duty” section.

A world-record bad cold, you might surmise. Officers said she took more than 500 tablets.

STUPID CRIMINAL TRICKS: Then there was the suspect who was arrested for stealing a cell phone in Paramount. It didn’t take a real Sherlock Holmes to track him down. Thirty minutes after the theft, deputies reported, he began making calls to his home that were later listed on the victim’s bill.

SHE NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT SOME PHONE ETIQUETTE: Roger Hardy sent along an entry from Big Bear’s Grizzly newspaper about a call authorities received from a 7-year-old girl. “Friend hurt her feelings,” the police log said, “so she called 911.”

POLITICAL TRICK OR TREAT: Michael Morgan of Newport Beach noticed a pair of signs in Santa Ana (see photo) that seem to go together, considering what a Halloweenish event the election turned out to be. And, please, no jokes about Gore supporters accidentally donning Buchanan masks.

SPEAKING OF THE GOLDEN STATE: Had the presidential election been as close in California as it was in Florida, the spotlight would have fallen on those 10,000-15,000 “sample ballots” sent out by Democratic Rep. Maxine Waters of L.A. that endorsed either Libertarian candidate Harry Browne or the Green Party’s Ralph Nader due to a printing error.

GUIDE TO DARING DINING: Today’s selections (see accompanying) include some collector’s items for sloppy drinkers (spotted by Dorothy Banks of Sierra Madre) and a bank that seems to offer cold cuts as well as cold cash (Margaret Fleetwood of Santa Barbara).

A MOVING STORY: “I moved recently and am surrounded by boxes,” wrote Colette Meyer of Torrance.

“My favorite is marked ‘Russian Sambo Bar.’ The packer had asked me what it was and how to mark it. My explanation didn’t succeed.”

It’s an urn used in Russia for heating water to make tea: a samovar.

A UCLA FOOTBALL PLAYER? Spotted in a Long Beach mall: a car with a surfboard on the roof and a handicapped parking permit hanging from the rearview mirror.

YOU ALMOST COULD HAVE PREDICTED TROUBLE: The Los Alamitos News-Enterprise carried this Halloween night police log entry: “Two customers dressed as vampires engaged in a fight with two men dressed as women. One of the vampires bit one of the men.”

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Some drivers let their egos get carried away when they choose messages for their license plates. Then there are the anti-vanity type, such as this one noticed by Graham Robertson on the San Diego Freeway: JSTAPL8.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.