Of Course the Chargers Were Unplugged

Shouts of “Heidi! Heidi!” went up in sports bars all around Kansas City on Sunday, but, sadly, in a stadium half a country away, Chief Coach Gunther Cunningham could not hear those desperate pleas and kept Warren Moon in at quarterback.

Forty-four going on his NFL pension, Moon lowered his aching back over center for a third-down play with 1:36 to play, the Chiefs trailing the heretofore winless San Diego Chargers by a point, history hanging in the balance, and pfffffffttt!

What, the sound of another Moon incompletion whizzing past the sideline down marker?

No, the sound of CBS pulling the plug on the Chief-Charger game and pulling another “Heidi Bowl,” 32 years after the original. Only this time the new face on the television screen wasn’t an apple-cheeked little Swiss girl but a stern-faced Katherine Harris, informing the nation that George W. Bush had won Florida’s 25 electoral votes and, with them, the presidency of the most powerful nation on the planet.

But what about the Chargers’ losing streak?

The country had been without a president-elect for only 19 days.

The Chargers had been without a victory since 1999.

This was a major developing story. Back in Kansas City, Chief fans sat on the edges of their seats, hoping for breaking news to break into breaking news. But it was not to be. CBS stayed with the Florida secretary of state and the Chargers, under a veil of darkness, sneaked away with a 17-16 decision to end their 11-game losing streak. . . . although, at this point, that is only hearsay. Only 47,000-and-change at Qualcomm Stadium actually saw the final 90 seconds of this alleged Charger triumph.

Are we supposed to take them at their word?

(What really happened, I suspect, is this: With 43 seconds to play, Moon had a pass intercepted by San Diego’s Michael Dumas, who got so excited he spiked the ball at the Charger 25-yard line and Kansas City tight end Tony Gonzalez, a former basketball star, outleaped Junior Seau for the rebound and scored untouched and reverse-dunked the ball over the crossbar for a 23-17 Chief victory, except Charger owner Alex Spanos could not stand the humiliation and immediately bought off everyone in the stadium, including the Chiefs and the media, which explains this curious postgame quote from Kansas City running back Kimble Anders: “I would say it’s a bit embarrassing. We beat the best team in the NFL [the St. Louis Rams] and then we come out and lose to the worst team in the NFL.” Or so he says. We may never know for sure.)

Three time zones away, Aaron Beasley was exultant. “This broke a curse, I guess,” Beasley exulted. Except Beasley is not a Charger fan, he is a Jacksonville Jaguar cornerback. His team had defeated Tennessee, 16-13, to end a five-game losing streak against the Titans, a streak so long it goes back to when the Titans were called the Oilers, who used to play in Houston and were quarterbacked for years there by . . . Warren Moon.

Draw your own conclusion.

Interesting stat of the day: Three teams Sunday won on the road without their No. 1 quarterback and running back in the lineup.

New Orleans, without quarterback Jeff Blake and running back Ricky Williams, won at St. Louis, 31-24.

Miami, without Jay Fiedler and Lamar Smith, won at Indianapolis, 17-14.

Denver, without Brian Griese and Terrell Davis, won at Seattle, 38-31.

Fascinating, except to the one team that played at home without its No. 1 quarterback and running back and lost to a team with no running back and no wide receivers. That would be Washington, playing without Brad Johnson and Stephen Davis and losing at FedEx Field to the Philadelphia McNabbs, 23-20.

Reducing an overly complex game to its essence, the franchise formerly known as the Eagles has dispensed of all the traditional trappings, such as tailbacks, fullbacks and flankers, and has simply handed the football to leading passer/rusher/point-producer/most valuable Philadelphian since Ben Franklin, Donovan McNabb.

In only his second season, McNabb is drawing comparisons to Randall Cunningham in his prime, which is something of a joke. Cunningham in his prime had Keith Jackson, Cris Carter and Mike Quick as passing targets and Keith Byars and Anthony Toney as reprieves who could occasionally take the ball from the winded Cunningham and lug it forward a few yards. No man is an island except for McNabb, as the Redskins and a check of the final Philadelphia stat book will attest:

Passing yardage: McNabb, 137.

Rushing yardage: McNabb, 125, sixth-highest single-game total for a quarterback in NFL history.

Touchdowns: McNabb, one rushing (21 yards), one passing (three yards).

Field goals: McNabb sets up game-winner with 54-yard scramble late in the fourth quarter.

Postgame transportation: McNabb moved his team to 9-4 and 1 1/2 games ahead of the 100-million-greenback Redskins in the NFC East standings.

That last bit was so disturbing to Redskin offensive guard Keith Sims that he interrupted a postgame chat session with reporters and took the bottle of baby oil he was holding--which could be a big part of the Redskins’ trouble--and flung it to the floor in disgust.

“Who wants to go through this [stuff]?” Sims groused. “That’s exactly the kind of [stuff] I didn’t want to have to go through this year.”

Somewhere, Redskin owner Daniel Snyder was thinking precisely the same thing, which is why you now see Redskin Coach Norv Turner on the short list of potential USC coaching candidates.

San Diego Coach Mike Riley also appears on that list, but the Chargers, drunk with euphoria over the events of Week 13, have refused college teams with coaching vacancies permission to interview Riley. Turner? The worst-case travel itinerary is already hanging over his head.

Sunday: Lose at home to Giants.

Monday: Interview in Los Angeles.