No Takeoff--No ifs, ands or Butts

Hi, I’m your captain and we’re entering the Twilight Zone. . . .

A reader e-mailed me that he and his wife boarded a plane that didn’t move for 90 minutes at LAX. Finally, the pilot “told the passengers on the intercom that we were unable to take off because there was an ashtray missing from the bathroom.”

At first I wondered if someone had forwarded a years-old e-mail from the smoking era, maybe dating back to the years right after Al Gore invented the Internet.

But I called American Airlines and found out that the message from passenger T.X. Donahue, of Pacific Palisades, was indeed up to date.

“As ridiculous as it may sound, it’s a safety issue,” said spokesman John Hotard. “Even though smoking is not allowed, people will go into the lavatory and smoke occasionally.”

And American hopes that these stealth smokers will use the ashtray for their discards rather than the trash container.

Hotard added that there also are smoke detectors to alert flight personnel of violators.

Guess there’s no way of detecting cigarettes on the X-ray security machines.

SOUTHLAND WILDLIFE: The latest sightings (see accompanying) came from:

* Sue Lancaster of Rossmoor, who pointed out that you should forget about taking that pet you use as a neck wrap to the weekend swap meet at Cypress College.

* Paul Burton of Claremont, who discovered that some larger animals are treated with more respect in his town.

* Betty Wielkiewicz of Tujunga, who spotted an ad for a sentimental dog. I phoned to see just how the animal demonstrates its love for music but couldn’t contact the owner. Maybe the two were at a concert.

* And, finally, Sylvia Rattner of Newhall, who was a bit surprised to see the “customer” classification on her bill.

MORE TALES FROM SELF-SERVICE ISLAND: Headed to a conference in Anaheim, David Bent of Newport Beach stopped at a gas station and hurriedly paid for $20 worth in cash. He had just collected the rent from a tenant who had paid him in $100 bills.

Several days later Bent discovered he was $80 short. He realized he had given the clerk a $100 bill instead of a $20.

Returning to the scene, an Exxon station at Newport Boulevard and Finley Avenue in Newport Beach, he figured there was no way he could prove he had left the money.

“To my surprise,” he said, “the clerks in the booth keep a handwritten record of all cash received. They said a lot of people forget to get their change after filling up with gas. And yes, she did find the record of my $80 in unclaimed change and handed me four 20s.

“I was completely blown away by their honesty.”

miscelLAny:

Police smelled a burglary--among other things. Arthur Purcell saw this crime log entry in the Westsider newspaper:

“Oct. 2, 11 p.m. 2500 block of Stoner Avenue: A suspect jumped the fence of a city parking facility and removed the tail lights from a city garbage truck.”