Striking a Match

As founder of the Matrimonial Services Committee at the Islamic Society of Orange County, Rukhsana Farooqui pores over notebooks full of photographs and applications, then prays to make a good match.

Since dating is forbidden under Islamic religious law, many unmarried young Muslims rely on their parents to arrange a supervised gathering to mingle with a prospective mate. When those liaisons haven’t worked out, more than 200 local Muslims have turned to Farooqui to set them up with a suitable mate.

Farooqui, whose own 22-year marriage was arranged by her parents back in Pakistan, said she gets applications from teenagers on up through people in their late 50s. The first thing she’ll arrange is a meeting between the families of the two applicants.

“It’s not just one person marrying another, it’s two families coming together,” explained Farooqui, whose matchmaking efforts have yielded more than a dozen marriages over the last three years. “Whether you like it or not, the mother-in-law will be there.”

Indeed, the merging of families is one of the most important parts of Farooqui’s job, said Muzammil Siddiqui, director of the Islamic Society of Orange County and president of the Islamic Society of North America, which also sponsors matchmaking services.

“[Farooqui] is highly respected in the community,” Siddiqui said. “She does this in a very personal way. It’s not like computer matching. She’s a very kind and compassionate lady. She takes this as a very serious matter and is very concerned about people’s well-being.”

Sipping green tea with sweetened condensed milk in her tidy Cerritos home, the mother of four recently started a T-shirt printing business. But Farooqui also takes great satisfaction in coordinating the matchmaking, a volunteer job at the Islamic Society in Garden Grove.

She is one of five women who volunteer their time for the Matrimonial Committee. Jeena Siddiqui, Sakina Ahmed, Soraya Saeeduddin and Hashmat Saeed also take applications and keep their eyes open around the mosque for good matches.

Applications are sorted into six categories: females over 18; females over 30; females over 40; males over 20; males over 30; and males over 40. Farooqui alphabetizes the paperwork and stashes her huge black bag filled with blank applications in the trunk of her Nissan minivan, which she parks every Sunday at the society headquarters, where she takes application appointments after prayers.

Farooqui said some people seeking matchmaking services are too fussy.

“A lot of men have in their mind that the girl should be extremely beautiful,” Farooqui said. “I tell them that the beauty of the face fades, but the beauty of the heart is forever.”

The application, which costs $35 to keep on file for a year, includes questions about education, ethnic origin and relatives. It asks about disabilities and genetic diseases, and has a place to indicate the color of the applicant’s complexion. It also asks for references and whether the applicant has been married before.

Only 2 People Were Denied Services

Farooqui said she has rejected only two people from the Islamic Society’s matchmaking program. Both were men who didn’t disclose that they had been married before and were divorced when they filled out their matrimonial form.

Beyond a few mishaps, where folks ended up having little in common besides their faith, the Matrimonial Committee’s efforts have yielded results such as the nuptials last year of Hajra and Faisal Siddiqui, who are unrelated to the center’s director or the matrimonial committee volunteer. The young couple met through Farooqui’s efforts even though Hajra’s mother, Hashmat Saeed, is on Farooqui’s committee.

The two twentysomethings met when they and members of their family came together for a prearranged gathering of food and conversation.

“I told Hajra to ask him whatever she wanted to, because if she didn’t like him, we can’t force her,” said Hashmat Saeed, Hajra’s mother. “But they clicked.”

The couple, who live in Anaheim, say they are very happy together since her parents formally gave her away in July.

Before they decided to get married, the two spent time exchanging e-mail messages, talking on the phone and getting together for meals with the rest of their families.

“To me, it was very important how religious she was,” said Faisal Siddiqui, 27, a computer consultant, who agreed they’re a very good match.

Still, Farooqui and the other Matrimonial Committee members insist they’re only the link--that the real work is in the hands of Allah.

“We only match them up,” said Jeena Siddiqui. “And then we pray.”