LAUGH LINES

Close Call: “A meteorite passed within 2.4 million miles of the Earth. A giant asteroid. Guess it was pretty big because today George W. Bush referred to it as a ‘major league asteroid.’ ” (Jay Leno)

What a Blast: “Ford Motors blamed their Explorer rollovers on defective tires made by Firestone. Executives at Firestone reacted quickly, saying they stand behind their tires. They won’t live long by standing in front of them.” (Argus Hamilton)

Just Jammin’: “San Francisco traffic jams are getting worse. If you’re going to San Francisco, it may be faster to sit in the driveway and rely on continental drift.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Cutting the Ties: The producers of “ ‘Big Brother’ are being sued by the owners of the TV rights to George Orwell’s novel, ‘1984,’ which gave us the concept of ‘big brother.’ They claim viewers could be led to believe there is a connection between the novel and the program. Producers deny any connection to Orwell. Half the time, they deny any connection to the show.” (Daily Scoop)

Dial It Up: “Steven Spielberg will re-release an enhanced version of the classic 1982 hit, ‘E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial.’ In the new version, as E.T. tries to phone home, a miniature Arsenio Hall saves him 50 cents by convincing him to call collect.” (Jerry Perisho)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.