LAUGH LINES
School Goals: “Al Gore took his education message to Lewiston High School in Maine. He told students, teachers and parents . . . that under his plan, everyone who wants a high school diploma would be able to get one--including his opponent, George W. Bush.” (Ira Lawson)
Rated R: “Disney says it will no longer air advertisements for R-rated movies on ABC during prime time. . . . They’ll save the R-rated stuff for Dennis Miller’s jokes on ‘Monday Night Football.’ ” (Daily Scoop)
So Long! : “Bobby Knight was fired as Indiana basketball coach after he grabbed a student and began screaming at him. Luckily for him, there is a 12-step recovery support group for raging lunatics. It’s called the Reform Party.” (Argus Hamilton)
Sex, Lies, Lawyer: “A new book came out about the Monica Lewinsky scandal. . . . Apparently, Bill Clinton sent his lawyer in to tell Hillary that he cheated on her. Isn’t that kind of odd? Clinton handled the lying himself, but he needed a lawyer to tell the truth!” (Jay Leno)
Parental Consent: “Michael Douglas says that when he first met Catherine Zeta-Jones’ parents, they were nice to him immediately. Yeah, mainly because her parents have respect for their elders.” (Conan O’Brien)
*
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.
More to Read
Start your day right
Sign up for Essential California for news, features and recommendations from the L.A. Times and beyond in your inbox six days a week.
You may occasionally receive promotional content from the Los Angeles Times.