Sorry, but He’d Prefer Usual Tuesday Drama

I spent a few minutes in the hotel lobby here Tuesday afternoon talking line combinations and defense pairs with King Coach Andy Murray.

Then I took my place in the third row of the Kings’ bus for the short trip to America West Arena--team officials politely declining my offer to drive.

Flying here earlier in the day, I reflected on the inspiring words of former Buffalo Bill coach Marv Levy, who liked to say before a big game: “Where else would you rather be” than overlooking a patch of ice with our beloved Kings skating their little hearts out for a playoff berth?

My couch, of course. Maybe the movies. Even dinner with the grocery bagger.

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BUT HERE I am, missing “NYPD Blue,” Lt. Fancy’s farewell appearance when I’ve seen every show he’s ever been on and I’m not bitter at all, because I get to spend quality time with our very own Ziggy, Lubomir and Jozef, who are playing for the right to make the playoffs and lose four straight games to Colorado or Detroit.

You know, I can relate to the Kings’ playoff quest. It’s like wanting to go to Las Vegas, knowing full well I’m going to lose every time I go. The only difference is I don’t have to walk around wearing a sweatshirt and sound ridiculous trying to convince everyone it’s a sweater.

The Kings, Coyotes, Sharks, Oilers and Canucks--don’t ask me what cities they represent--are all fighting for the last four playoff berths in this final week of the regular season with the understanding one of them will be no better off than the Mighty Ducks when it’s over. That’s going to Vegas, losing, and then getting a speeding ticket on the way out of town.

Now I would think losing 12 playoff games in a row, as the Kings have done, would be a deterrent to extending the season, but then I wouldn’t think a hockey player like Ziggy Palffy would actually fess up to owning a pet poodle, as he does in the Kings’ media guide.

I’m just wondering what someone named Ziggy names his poodle.

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I NEVER DREAMED I would be here, of course, because I read Bill Plaschke. Plaschke wrote these guys off weeks ago after they traded Rob Blake, but wait until he hears they have been winning ever since they acquired a blind goalie.

Felix Potvin isn’t really blind, of course, but by now Plaschke is on a plane to Vancouver for the Kings’ next game to write Potvin’s life story, which means I won’t have to miss “ER” Thursday night.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’d like the chance to spend more time with these guys. If a guy as likable as Murray was coaching the Lakers, he’d be the most popular coach in Los Angeles, and I also know he wouldn’t annoy Kobe Bryant as much as the other guy does.

As for your next question, I don’t know where that would leave Jeanie.

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THE COYOTES HAVE just scored. It took them 26 seconds. I think I identified Jaroslav Modry as the defender who failed to land a double salchow and Lubomir Visnovsky who misplayed a Phoenix lob into the Kings’ zone to allow the goal. Like you would know if I was making it up.

With a little less than eight minutes left in the first period, Phoenix’s Michal Handzus, who had scored the Coyotes’ goal, tried to push the head of King center Ian Laperriere through the Plexiglas, and while he failed, the Coyote fans loved seeing Laperriere spit out his teeth and some blood. I’m sure “Gladiator” did a booming business in this town.

The officials ejected Handzus. I guess they were mad he didn’t succeed in pushing Laperriere’s head through the Plexiglas, which might have been a boost for NHL television ratings. The first period ended with the bad guys ahead, 1-0.

We fought back in the second with a goal from Glen Murray, whose nickname is “Muzz.” I’m sorry, I’m having trouble reading my notes--that may be the name of Ziggy’s poodle--bear with me, things are happening very fast here.

The Coyotes have just scored to take a 2-1 lead because one of our guys, Mathieu Schneider, was sitting in the penalty box. If they had a penalty box in the NBA, Isaiah “J.R.” Rider would be doing life.

We’re more than half way through the third period now, which I believe should qualify me for some kind of longevity medal, and the Coyotes are pushing our guys around.

The Kings obviously miss Stu Grimson, serving a two-game suspension because he was found guilty for instigating three fights. I find it interesting he lists his favorite TV show as “Law & Order,” and if we checked, I’m sure a cranky Grimson started each of those fights on Wednesday night because he was missing his favorite TV show. I know I’m ready to drop my computer.

The Kings fought valiantly to hang with the pumped-up Coyotes.

It’s not enough that the Kings have got me here and earned kind words, but now Schneider has scored to tie the game and send it into overtime. I’m so irritated, I would like to point out that in the team’s media guide, he says he’s married and his favorite movie is “Swingers.”

Me, I’m left to kiss my sister with deadline looming, and she’s home watching “NYPD Blue.”

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HERE’S THE DEAL. If the Angels had not been so quick to dump Jose Canseco and trade for Glenallen Hill, instead of Hill grounding into a bases-loaded double play in the ninth to sabotage their opener, Canseco would have been hurt walking from the on-deck circle to homeplate, and Wally Joyner, pinch-hitting for him, would have had the game-winning hit.

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I WOULD LIKE to point out that after posting a March Madness victory and winning our office pool, there was no rioting or disturbances whatsoever in the Simers’ household.

I cannot speak for all the losers in our office.

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TODAY’S LAST WORD comes from Jeff:

“Trading for Johnny Damon would have been dumb, and no I would not have been excited about an outfield with Jay Payton, Damon and Shawn Green. I love stupid reporters who never played a game thinking they know everything.”

Is that you, Dodger Boy? Is Jeff now your new nickname?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address: t.j.simers@latimes.com.