Comic Value in USA’s ‘Passion & Prejudice’

Prepare to chortle.

The most laughs we’ve had in weeks come by way of “Passion & Prejudice,” tonight’s USA movie delivering a hearty mix of loopy characters, funny dialogue and animated acting.

Uh, wait a second: Did we mention this is a drama?

The titular passion is unleashed within staid, strait-laced scholar Gwen (Frances Fisher), an expert in Italian literature, after she hires a convict named Dalton (Derwin Jordan) to landscape her improbably posh oceanfront property as part of a prison work-release program.

In this vacant variation on “Fatal Attraction,” the lonely, friendless, button-down Gwen teaches Dalton to read, then quickly succumbs to the charms of her “tall, dark and handsome” lover. In no time, she gets a major make-over, with the sudden attention and self-satisfaction making her giggle like a schoolgirl.

After his release, Gwen buys her fella fine threads, a used truck and other expensive gifts, all with the unrealistic expectation they will be inseparable. Not surprisingly, the antsy Dalton rejects this arrangement, especially after he enrolls in community college, where he hooks up with a pretty student closer to his age.

Before anyone can say Glenn Close, the jealous, obsessive Gwen stalks Dalton, bad-mouths him around town and ends up taking drastic measures, setting up more hilarity in a courtroom. “Damn, she didn’t crack,” moans Dalton’s pro bono defense attorney, a guy with a bogus Southern accent and an inexplicable toothpick dangling from his mouth, after he fails to rattle Gwen on the stand. “She’s a tough cookie.”

Alas, everything but the cookie crumbles here, with an over-the-top Fisher at the bottom of her game while screaming, “If I can’t have you, nobody will!”

The most astute observation is made by Dalton’s crackerjack lawyer, who at one point leans over and says, “This is not good.”

Truer words were never spoken.

* “Passion & Prejudice” can be seen tonight at 9 on USA. The network has rated it TV-14-DS (may be unsuitable for children under age 14, with advisories for suggestive dialogue and sex).