Unwelcome ‘Guest’ Had Second Thoughts About Returning to Posh Hotel

Return to the scene of the grime? Now for an update on that transient who sneaked into a vacant room at the posh Surf & Sand Hotel in Laguna Beach and spent the night. You may recall that he scuttled out early the next morning, neglecting to take some “personal effects and possibly incriminating paraphernalia,” according to police.

Well, the Laguna News-Post says the chap called the hotel a few days later “to reclaim the belongings he had left behind.” Alas, he never showed up.

Perhaps he had to leave town suddenly on business.

No open and shut cases (cont.): Here’s Part 2 of my series on offbeat entrance signs (see photos), augmented by a couple of reader notes.

The doorknob suggestion, snapped at L.A. Valley College, was somewhat similar in tone to a sign remembered by Mary Rouse. That one said: “PUSH. If that doesn’t work, PULL. If that doesn’t work, I’m probably not here.”

And Allen Kahn pointed out that during operating hours of the Harbor Room bar in Playa del Rey, a sign declares:

“Open. But Don’t Expect Too Much.”

An ex-telemarketer speaks: After several readers shared their tips for fending off phone solicitors, Pat Bias wrote to say what it was like to be on the other end of the calls.

“My favorite experience,” she said, “was when I called and got a kid on the phone. We were told not to sell to minors. So I asked him if his mother was home. No. Was his dad home? No. Was anyone else home? Yes, he said--his brother--and went to get him. There was a long wait and finally he came back and said, ‘I can’t get him out of the playpen.’ ”

Kids and phones: I was reminded of the time someone called our house and asked my 4-year-old daughter, Sarah, if she knew my work number. “Sure,” she chirped. “It’s speed dial 3.”

Dumb car names (cont.): To our ever-lengthening list of bad noms de jalopy, Sue Hallman of Santa Maria added a model that sounds like a body shop’s delight: the Dodge Ram.

Ranks down there with GMC’s first electric car, which was named the Impact--later changed to EV1.

Not married with children: Don’t know if you’ve heard, but actress Elizabeth Hurley is pregnant and says the father is writer-producer Stephen Bing. Ex-boyfriend Bing, however, said he isn’t sure, claiming that they weren’t in an “exclusive relationship.” To which Hurley responded: “I loved Stephen enormously during the 18 months we were together.”

Eighteen months, I believe, is the equivalent, in actor years, of more than a decade.

miscelLAny:

Since you readers contribute so much to this column, I wanted to share the good news that came to me via e-mail: I’ve been selected as “a potential candidate” for a listing in the “2001 Edition of the International Executive Guild Registry.”

At last--some overdue recognition here at speed dial 3! Though I do wonder why the guild asked me to “please tell us a little about yourself . . . your business . . . type of organization . . . your business expertise . . .”

Just to refresh their minds, right?